Losing someone to cancer

Hi Angie and welcome to the community although sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. We have a very supportive group here you may like to join, Bereaved Souses and Partners . There you can share and get support from others who have lost loved ones. Click the link to get to the group. Once you join, you can then post there and introduce yourself or join in with any ongoing threads. Any problems navigating the site, click the reply button below to ask. best wishes.

Hi I lost my son on the 12 June to cancer of the brain, totally lost do not know where to turn

Hi Angie

your post really touched me, I’m so sorry you have lost your dear husband, you have been very brave to post on this site but I’m really pleased you have made this positive step forward , you will find many people here ready to help you at this awful time.

sleep is really difficult in these early days, not only have you suffered a major traumatic event but all of the financial paperwork etc has fallen to you to now complete. 
I found myself with a feeling of total isolation and totally bereft after my wife passed away. I learned a few lessons in the weeks after my wife’s death and was helped enormously by some people and avoided by others. Not their fault really, they just didn’t know what to say to me and too afraid of saying the wrong thing so they just avoided me. Some tried to smother me too much as well and I just wanted space and time to be on my own, grieve when I wanted and do what I needed to do. Some people didn’t like that and didn’t understand I was just trying to survive and needed to grieve as much as I did. There is no short cut to a ‘normal’ life, we have to cry as much as we need to, holding it all in is not good in the long run.

you are the most important person at this time Angie. Do what you want to do and deal with your hurt, anger, bewilderment, sorrow in the way you want to, not what others say or think you should do, they are not in your shoes. Just be firm and steadfast and follow the path you feel is best for you.

I’ve found contrary to what some people say to me when they see my smiling and laughing again, you don’t ‘get over’ losing a loved one, it’s just not possible. You just learn over the months and years to live with the grief and get by.  And you will learn to live with the grief Angie and smile again. It may be 6 months, a year, two years or more, it is your pace and yours alone

small steps Angie, small steps. Don’t expect too much from yourself. This is a real roller coaster of emotions. Be kind to yourself.

you will find your place, it will take time but you will get there. some of the things I did to fit back in to my old life before my wife died I pretty quickly ditched them because my old life had gone, there was no point in my trying to cling on  to my old way of life and replicate it because the most important person in my life was no longer there. I had to find my new way, not what other wanted me to do, my way. Sounds a bit selfish. I’m not a selfish person far from it, but that is how I survived.

 Close you eyes, breath deep and slow and relax all muscles in your head and shoulders as you breath out and try to find some peace from that avalanche of racing thoughts

take care

mark

How lovely Mark your words I can relate to , I’m trying to be strong and am but got to carve a new path now but I will do it . 

Good for you Angie

well done

sometimes you will fall back to a really low place when things get tough and too much. But slowly you will get there 

sending you strength and a huge cyber hug

keep posting on this site for help or just to rant when you need to

Hi and welcome to the online community

I'm very sorry to read that you recently lost your son to brain cancer. I can't begin to imagine how hard this must be for you but you've come to the right place for support.

The community is divided up into groups so I'm going to recommend that you join the bereaved family and friends group which is a safe and supportive place to talk about your loss and get support.

To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting '+New' or '+' (again depending on the device you're using) and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'. 

Sending a big ((hug))