Caring for my terminal partner

Hi  and welcome to the Online Community, a Community that no one ever really plans to see themselves joining, and so sorry to hear about your partners diagnosis.

A terminal cancer diagnosis brings a lot of confusion, stress and many questions and as I have not walked the road you may find talking with other people who are on the same type of journey at the moment.

The Community has various support groups and zi see you have joined our very supportive Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups, posting in these groups will connect with others supporting family through their cancer journey

Follow the links I've created above then you can introduce yourself and post questions selecting '+New' or '+' (depending on your device) you can also join in with existing discussions by clicking on 'reply'. 

The Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information and support. The service is open every day 8am to 8pm and it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 have a look by Clicking here for more information.

You can also email them, use the online chat and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.

All the very best.

Hello Rarelion

Really sad to read your post and so sorry for your partners illness and it is so hard to watch your loved one in so much pain, makes you feel totally helpless and guilty at not being able to give them relief from their suffering. I have never been able to come to terms with that and probably never will even though, like you, I have nothing to reproach myself for. Just know that you are doing everything you can and that your partner knows that.

it is good you have found your way to this site and I hope you will receive support from others.

Your situation is so much more difficult than my own with this COVID factor, it is so difficult when you have been the primary carer and now things are less under your control but you know your partner is receiving the best of care where he is. It’s just really tough to let others do what you have been doing.

The DNR form is sadly one of those hurdles that needs to be crossed. Everyone will have their own view but between you, you and your partner will come to the right choice. It is a horrendously difficult thing I’m sorry you guys have had to discuss this.

You must eat, you must drink and most of all you need to get as much rest as you can. A tall order in your situation. I took plenty of exercise in those dark days to try to tire myself out but that didn’t always work. I got a few hours from watching Paul McKenna meditation videos but today I think it’s called mindfulness rather than meditation.

i was lucky when my wife was in hospital, they put a mattress on the floor next to her bed and I slept on that for a few weeks before I was able to have her transferred into a hospice where again I was really lucky to be able to sleep in the room with her on a couple of chairs and a blanket. If I had not been able to do that I would have struggled even more than I did, you have my total sympathy.

you need your strength. Be good to yourself you are going through a terribly traumatic situation. Your partner needs you to be as strong as possible to help him through this. Try to concentrate on that but don’t expect too much from yourself.

every good wish

mark

Thank you Mark

It is some comfort to know that there is great kindness and support from strangers. Having built a life dependant on each other I will do whatever I can to be as close to him as often as possible. A chair by his bed would be so amazing right now.

Thank you for your reply