Post Cancer

FormerMember over 4 years ago

2 replies
24 subscribers
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My husband was diagnosed with oral cancer last year. We were very lucky, it was caught and treated very quickly. In June of this year, he discovered another lump on his tongue. Because of Covid, his diagnosis took a bit longer but I'm so grateful to say that it turned out to be scar tissue.

So all is well... Or so I thought. With the last scare he thought it was back and this time he just wouldn't make it. He confronted his own mortality and tried to make peace with dying.

Now he seems to be re-evaluating his whole life, including our marriage! We've been together for 20 years, had our ups and downs but I honestly thought we had sorted out all niggly issues. Now he says he just doesn't know what he wants. He says he still loves me, as I do him. We have 2 young children together. I'm desperately trying to ride the storm, give him time and space to sort himself out. He's been to his GP who says it's not depression as he's not suicidal. He's now waiting for counselling for "feeling overwhelmed" (GP's words).

I'm sorry for dumping all this on all of you. I'm sure everyone here has more serious issues to deal with. I'm just looking to hear from anyone who has been through a similar experience.

Thank you for reading.

FormerMember over 4 years ago

Hi worrybug welcome to the forum it sounds like you are having a real hard time right now with all that has happened and is going on for you all.

I imagine, and can only imagine, that in the first instance of Cancer, your hubby was like most of us and got his head down, get through all that we need to and come out the other side Cancer free. Second time around he seems to have gotten it into his head that this was it for him, time up, and as you say reviewed his own mortality and trying to make peace with dying. That second bit has been even worse for you all due in large part I imagine to the uncertainty about what that lump could have been. I cant begin to understand how you ever come to make peace with dying especially when you have two small children?.

I think from your post that what you are hearing from him is someone who through no fault of any of you individually has had to revaluate his life and what's important in it. Hi is also very clear that you are part of his life and maybe the word reevaluate means he is thinking about the future and maybe the future he had planned before Cancer is not now the one he truly feels is right for you and his family. I hope all that is making some sense because I know what Im trying to say and hope it is coming across.

He maybe as you have already said is to have time to reflect but keep talking to him but maybe with not too many questions and I know that may be difficult but what he needs to hear is how much he means to you and your children and how he is very much part of any future that you see for you all.

Its not gona be an easy time for you but hang in there. Sending hugs your way for now. xxx

FormerMember over 4 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Thank you so much for replying. I cannot imagine my life without him. And I feel guilty that a lot of people don't have such a good outlook, healthwise, as he does and here I am complaining.

I'm trying so hard to support him through this stage. He does say himself that I always have been his support. I'm just hoping this can be sorted.

Thank you again, your words are a great comfort.

Take care x