Hi all
My partner was dignosed in Feb, after his op in March and the long overdue wait for his delayed scan in June (due to covid) which was inconclusive and after a further scan, we eventually found out 3 weeks ago his cancer from his lung has gone, but now has spread to his back and neck. We knew there was a chance it would spread so that wasn’t a total shock.
I am finding every scan, the results, the admin letters is taking ages to get. The admin side of everything has been a mess. The scheduled call he received 3 weeks ago from the consultant he had to chase as they didn’t call at the time they said and after 30minutes he called them- he was told sorry we are moving offices and you should of had a letter with the rescheduled date which he didn’t but the lady on the phone still did his call then. He will need to do more tests etc. He is very young, 34. He is struggling understandably. He tries to remain positive, he has professional help with calls. After his call on Friday which he had to chase after waiting 3 weeks from his last scan with no results was told the scan was inconclusive and another one will need to happen. It is all so wishy washy to me. He didn’t want to talk to me about it this weekend as he says he doesn’t know himself why it’s slow and can only chase again Monday. He is scared! I worry as I hear everything only from him as it’s not like I can be on the conversations with him as everything is done over the phone and I’m not always with him when he gets these calls. He is struggling with his mind. I try to support him and have explained I am trying to help. As the cancer has spread I am positive they will be able to remove the lumps in his back and neck with a new procedure they have. I just wondered if anyone else is finding things slow? My only worry is the cancer getting bigger or worse, because it seems to take ages to help him. Scan results seem to take ages, when he called chasing them they had had results for a while but forgot to send to him! I try to hide my frustrations from him as I know it doesn’t help his mindset but it’s because I don’t want him to spend any longer worrying, I just want him to be better and to get treated when he should be- and things not being delayed due to admin errors. This weekend is the first time in 7 months he has clammed up and doesn’t want to talk to me. I didn’t mention anything to do with his last scan for 3 weeks so I’m not always bringing it up to him. I want to know how else I can support him? I’ve written him little cards about keeping strong, and try to let him mention when he’s ready. I did get very upset last night as I am worried as he still has cancer and he was angry I got upset as he said that doesn’t help him- I know he has the cancer but as his partner it’s hard for me too.
Hi and welcome to the Online Community, although I am so sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear about your partners diagnosis and ongoing challenges.
COVID has turned the ‘normal’ NHS system on its head so yes, the challenges he is facing are unfortunately normal at the moment. It’s all about pushing the system, it is very frustrating but has to be done.
A cancer diagnosis brings a lot of confusion, stress and many questions but I found talking with other people who are on the same type of journey helped a lot.
This Online Community is organised into various support groups. This is the list for our Cancer specific Groups. This is the place to connect with people walking the same type of treatment journey as your partner.
Follow the link I've created above and have a look through the groups then once you find the best groups to join choose ‘click to join' on the page that opens.
You can then introduce yourself and post questions selecting '+New' or '+' (depending on the device you're using) and join in with existing discussions by clicking on 'reply'.
You may also find our Carers only and Family and friends groups a benefit as you will connect with others supporting family through their cancer journey.
It’s always good to talk, our Macmillan support line is open every day from 8am to 8pm and it's free to call. Clicking here will give you more information on what the Support Line offers. Alternatively, if it's easier for you then you can email them or use the online chat.
Our Online Information and Support Section is a good place to find information covering cancer diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers.
All the very best.
Mike - Thehighlander
It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela
Click to see how to add some details to your profile
