Hi, new to this forum.
My husband has bowel cancer. Diagnosis, radiotherapy and surgery during lockdown. Now chemotherapy about to start. I am struggling with my own emotions which I have, until now, been able to keep in check. I know I have to be strong for him or we really will fall apart. He needs to lean on me, not the other way around. But I am struggling so much currently. It feels like the enormity of it all has just hit me and I wasn't prepared for the intensity of how I feel. I am so emotional because it's so horrible but I am also so angry with myself for being so emotional. I haven't got cancer. I haven't been through the radiotherapy, surgery. And now he is about to begin 6 months of chemotherapy. Everything seems uncertain and we just don't know what to expect. I feel lost, helpless useless and completely overwhelmed to such a degree that I have struggled to think coherently. And that is why I am here -to let out the thoughts in my head. Those around me are just too closely invested and have their own need to process what is happening and I am determined to appear as normal and upbeat as possible for him.
Hi and welcome to the online community
I'm very sorry to read that your husband is dealing with bowel cancer. It must be an incredibly difficult time for you both and it's normal to feel emotional. You might like to take a look at this information from Macmillan on the emotional effects of caring for someone with cancer.
I think it will help you to talk to other carers so I'm going to suggest that you join the Carers only forum group which is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and get support.
To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'click to join' on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting '+New' or '+' (depending on the device you're using) and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your husband's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
Sending a virtual ((hug))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
