Feelings

Hi

I am so very sorry to read about what your family is enduring. You write very movingly and it’s heartbreaking. 

Of course I can’t wrap you in my arms and tell you everything will be ok. But I can put you in touch with people who are going through similar experiences of loss and can tell you that you won’t always feel as you do today. 

You’ll find those folks over in the group supporting someone with incurable cancer. I’ll post a link. Click on it, follow the instructions to join and start a discussion. Just copy and paste what you’ve written here if that’s easier than starting again. 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/supporting_someone_with_incurable_cancer/

Talking to children can feel harder to parents than it proves to be in reality. I’ve found it’s an ongoing conversation and it’s worth thinking through in advance just how open and honest you want to be.  I’ve always been up front with my kids - now 16 and 19 but 10 and 13 when I was first diagnosed. They tell me that’s what they want and even though it’s hard, they prefer to know. 

It might help for you and your husband to read this Macmillan information on talking to children. It certainly helped me. 

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/stories-and-media/ebooks/talking-to-children-and-teenagers-when-an-adult-has-cancer

Your post does not seem negative and you’ve nothing to apologise for. All your questions are important. I’ll leave it to those with more experience in the group I’ve highlighted to try to answer them.  

I wish you and your family the very best 

Hi daloni. 

thank you so much for your reply. We have been open and honest with our three children from the day we received the news also. Felt it was the best way.   I will definitely click on the links to the groups. 

It may sound a bit cliche but it’s true. I’m dreading him going because he is my BEST friend. We only moved to this home under four years ago after spending 20 years moving around as a military family so we have always been each other’s support system. I am a very independent person so I know that the practicality side of life will be fine. It’s the emotional side I am worried about. 

so sorry to hear you also have a devastating diagnosis. The big C as everyone calls it is a horrid thing that doesn’t discriminate. It will take anyone.  

We really have crammed so much into the last year and made sure that the kids have some amazing memories. I was so looking forward to growing old with him!  I feel cheated. But also so very privileged to have had so much happiness!!!  My heart bursts with love, pride and happiness when I think about the life we have had together. 

Hi Nat, you write with such love for your husband- it jumps off the page! 
I’m not sure what I can say that might make things better, but I just wanted to say you do sound like a glass half full person even in the midst of what is happening to you all. 
I am like you, living with someone I really love who has cancer. Sometimes I am breathless with the fear of losing him. 
take care of yourself as well as everyone else. 
Rish. Xx

Hi

You're welcome. I just want to add one final thought. No one can take away those memories of your life together. 
xx

I am so so sad to read about your pain, it must be awful to live with this fear. I myself had stage 3 esophageal cancer I am a 35 year old mum of 2 under 6 and my heart broke. Love will get you through the very worst of times and it is what you will remember for always. Your children are very lucky to have you both, the fact that you are honest with them is truly inspirational. I wish i could tell you everything will be OK but all I can do is send you all the love and positive wishes. If you ever need to talk feel free to contact me.