My partner was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2018 after surgery to remove the cancer and chemotherapy and surveillance scans which we were told were clear. We had hoped that we had a few years left together, but were told yesterday there were small nodes on both lungs. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest but " incurable" is a word i remember them saying. Also that chemo would start when it would be most benificial also another scan in 2months time. Sorry this isn't a more up lifting post but i cant take any of this in how can we go from having some hope to none. I know i have to try and find a way to support my partner but fear he may give up. Also how to tell my three grown up children one of who is getting married nxt year.
Hi and welcome to the online community
I'm very sorry to read that you've recently discovered that your partner's bowel cancer has spread to his lungs and he's now classed as incurable. It must be an incredibly hard time for you both and I know how hard it can be to take in all the information when you're told. Your husband should have a clinical nurse specialist (CNS) and hopefully you'll find her an invaluable source of information.
Being told that a diagnosis is incurable doesn't mean that it isn't treatable and you've said that your partner will be starting chemotherapy. As the community is divided up into groups, I'm going to recommend that you join the bowel cancer and also the secondary lung cancer groups as this will give you the opportunity to ask questions, share experiences and get support from others with a similar diagnosis.
Another couple of groups that you might like to think about joining are the carers only and the supporting someone with incurable cancer groups. Both are safe and supportive places to share your emotional worries and concerns.
To join any of these groups just click on the links I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the pages that open. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting 'start a discussion' and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
I can understand that you are worried about how to tell your children so you might want to have a look at this information from Macmillan on 'How to tell people you have cancer'.
When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your partner's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
Sending a virtual ((hug)) your way
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
Hi , you post came up on my feed and it caught my eye.
I was diagnosed with a different type of cancer (blood cancer) in 1999 and I was told “Mike, this is Incurable but treatable but you would never see any remission”
So I lived and worked for 14 years then in late 2013 my condition became very aggressive so it had to be treated aggressively - in September 2016 I was told I was in remission..... for the first time in over 17 years and I am doing great - there is always hope.
On reflection, over those first 16 years I wish I had known about this Online Community as talking with total strangers who understood as they had ‘walked the walk‘ helps a lot.... it’s like a chink of sunshine in a storm cloud.
Some ((hugs)) coming down from sunny Inverness.
