I had breast cancer and chemo and radio in 2013/14 after which I had reconstruction surgery in 2017. I suffered for two years with pain in my shoulder arm and nerve damage in my hand which made it increasingly hard to do things with my hand - I was eventually rediagnosed with a new lump underneath my right shoulder in September 2019. The tumour is inoperable due to its location surrounded by blood vessels and nerves. I had radiotherapy and am now on monthly zoladex injections, letrozole fexofenadine amitriptyline(for the nerve pain) and abemaciclib protein inhibitor. The treatment is thankfully working in that the tumour has shrunk but I suffer all the usual side effects - bad diarrhoea, hot flushes, mood swings, aching joints and fatigue.
in 2015 whilst struggling to recover and look after my three children I found out that my husband had been having an affair before After and throughout my treatment. I initially threw him out but he suffered a partial breakdown and was being iladvised by his parents so I had him back. I felt I loved him still and needed him to help me through such a hard time .
We have struggled though to get back our marriage - I don’t feel he loves me and it has been a very. hard five years. now with my recent diagnosis he has done all the practical things to help like working from home to help with the children during my radio. We are now all locked down together and the problem is that he gives me no emotional support. He is so cold whenever I’m upset. Staring at me or leaving the room when I cry. He has said several times that we should split up. But of course we can’t do that In lockdown and I wonder if I’m strong enough to go through that and be on my own at the moment.
I asked him recently why he was so cold to me and he wrote me a letter saying he was sorry but he was unable to help me emotionally as he felt bitter about the cancer ,he didn’t want it to be happening and he didn’t want to have to constantly be supportive and understanding and he got nothing back. I feel like he’s being spoilt- I don’t want it either but it is happening so we should get on with it. I don’t understand how someone can spend twenty years with someone and have three children and not want to be supportive when they have cancer even if he no longer romantically loves me. I feel very sad and isolated at the moment. I have wonderful friends and family but they have their own terrible economic and other problems with covid and to be honest when I see them I want to have a break rather than dwell on all this. I am writing this I guess to get it out as I just feel like crying and giving into the grief of being so alone. I have my kids though who I will always be strong for but the effort of that at the moment feels so very hard.
Hi
I'm so sorry to read all that you're going through but it's great that you've felt able to reach out to this community and I see that you've already had some great support from Anna48.
As the community is divided into groups can I recommend that you join the very friendly breast cancer group where you can chat to others who will understand what you're going through.
To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting 'start a discussion' and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
When you have a minute it, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
Sending a supportive ((hug))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
