Respecting the wishes of a patient

FormerMember over 5 years ago

4 replies
28 subscribers
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Hi, I want to ask advise on respecting the wishes of a patient. Personally I have lost many family members to cancer including my father and my daughter so I understand how family dynamics can affect decisions made on behalf of a patient.

At present my daughter is a carer to a gentleman who was estranged from his family. They have become extremely close and he trusts and relies on her implicitly. His condition has deteriorated rapidly in recent weeks and the family are now back on the scene. The patient distrusts his family and will not interact with them as they have made it clear its all about the inheritance (they have already been through his private papers and bank card). My daughter remains respectful and although she has informed the family she does not want to be a part of any of his private affairs, she keeps them up to date via messages on his health progress/decline.

A couple of weeks ago as the patients health declined further, the family decided to employ a care company to assist my daughter as he needed 24 hour care and she could not do it alone. The patient (a very private man) was uncooperative with the new carer as he disliked this change in circumstances and let it be known. Also due to the policies of the care company my daughter was told she could no longer care for him and was only allowed to be an emotional support for him. Although my daughter has eased the way for the new carer to take over all the main duties of care for the patient he still constantly looks to her for support. While been diplomatic she is giving him as much support as she can or is allowed to under the circumstances.

His wishes are and always have been to stay at home in a peaceful setting, but as his condition is rapidly deteriorating he can no longer voice his wishes. The family and care company are having a review meeting on Wednesday to which my daughter has been excluded and even told lies that it is not happening.

At what point does respecting the patients wishes become overturned? and why is this allowed to happen.

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Hi Pam

Your daughter should call social services reporting the situation. This is a safeguarding issue which is taken very seriously! But quick, until he still can express himself! A power of attorney should be put in place for the times when he will not be able to take decisions . Or he could call a lawyer , but as things stands social services would be a better option, as he is certainly abused by his family.

Thehighlander over 5 years ago

Hi .

This is hard and complicated and so am sorry to hear your daughter is caught up in this.

First your daughter may want to call our various Macmillan Support Line Services on 0808 808 00 00. This service covers Practical Information mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link but you may find the service very busy at the moment.

If the family have ‘Lasting Power of Attorney’ (That’s what it’s called on Scotland) then they have the legal powers to deal with the man’s affair only when he can not voice his wishes clearly.

If Lasting Power of Attorney is not in place then social services may need to be informed.

But call our helpline and talk with our advisors.

Mike (Thehighlander)

It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

My cancer story

FormerMember over 5 years ago in reply to Thehighlander

Thank you for your prompt reply and advise it is much appreciated.

I know that the family do NOT have power of attorney because the patient did consider some kind of trust fund for the family that meant they could not access the money straight away. He decided against doing this as they will get it eventually anyway, I believe his will is in the hands of the solicitor.

The inheritance is not really the issue, I feel he has got passed that in his own way. The issue is him having the peaceful passing that he wishes with the person that he trusts supporting him. They are both very spiritual and believe in the beauty of the heart, my daughter has learnt a lot from him and just wants to do right by him. Neither of them like conflict and he is already deteriorating so quickly, he sleeps most of the time and in the last day or so is struggling very much with his breathing.

Thank you for your kindness.

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Hi Pam

i agree, the issue needs to be reported to social service’s urgently. Speak to the duty social worker and raise a safeguarding issue (financial and emotional abuse). The gentleman needs a social worker. They need to attend the review meeting, if not they can call a ‘best interest’ meeting. This should include everyone involved in his care. As for the care company stating your daughter has to take a step back and only provide emotional support I don’t think this is right either but the social worker should be able to confirm. I believe she could work alongside the company careers quite easily especially as he trusts her.

your daughter should not be giving the family updates on his condition unless she has been given the authority to do so from the gentleman concerned

hope the above helps

all the best