Hello all. I'm new here. And my reason for coming here is to help me understand and come.to terms with my father's passing. He passed away on Tuesday 19th at 80 years old. He was diagnosed in 2018 with colon cancer after bleeding for roughly a year prior. My dad wouldn't tell a doctor because he was stubborn.when we finally made him see a doctor they found a tumour and sadly due to his age and his other underlying issues they said they couldn't operate and the only thing they'd be able to do was put a stent in when it grew. He had a scan on 2019 and there was no change in his tumour. Fantastic news. Although we knew this wouldn't be the end of that. Sadly, about 3 weeks ago he started to get Ill. Firstly with a water infection and after blood tests and urine tests, doctors said his body was starting to deteriorate and his ailments were starting to catch up with him. He was sent for a CT scan and we got devastating effects news that it had progressed and perferated the abdominal wall and there was a collection. He wanted to stay at home and so myself and my mam took care of him. But from.recieving this news on the Thursday, he was put on morphine on the Friday and he just worsened over the weekend until he sadly passed away the Tuesday morning.
Hardest thing is coming to terms with it all, how quick it all happened. The nurses said he was sleeping more and more confused because of the toxins from the tumour. I personally blame the morphine, but I guess I'm just looking to blame someone. I just really can't get my head around it all. It happened so suddenly, and he has a swelling on his tummy which I presume was from the collection from the perferation.
Sorry, for the long post, just struggling to get my head round it. Not sure anyone had any advice or healing words.
I just know my dad is no longer in pain and can now rest on peace. Thankyou for reading x
Dear Hayley1990,
I am so sorry for your loss. A bowel tumour was suspected when my Mother was 92 years old due to severe anaemia. Like your Father, due to her age we were advised that no treatment would be offered so decided not to have any investigations. She did become frailer over the next 3 years until she had a large abdominal swelling, it was found that she had a large tumour and that her bowel had perforated, nothing could be done other than to make her comfortable. She died a week later very peacefully, this was 20 months ago.
My doctor signed me off work for a month which was a real gift. During this time of grieving I have at times rung The Samaritans and Cruse Bereavement Care phone both have been helpful. I do miss her every day but feel so glad that she was my Mum.
Do go gently and look after yourself.
Best wishes
Honey 
Hi and welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear about your father, this will be a very hard time for you all but I hope that you will find the support in the Community helpful.
When someone you love passes on I found talking with people who were on the same type of journey helped a lot.
I see that you haven’t joined any of our support groups yet so can I direct you to our supportive Bereaved family and friends group.
Posting in this group will give you the opportunity to talk with people who know exactly what you are dealing with at the moment.
Follow the link I've created, join the group, then hit ‘start a discussion’ and you are ready to go.
You could then copy and paste the information from this first post into your new discussion or you can just join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
((hugs))
