Struggling in these times of Coronavirus

Hi

I am so very sorry to hear about everything you and your family have been through recently. It’s beyond my imagining how you cope with such a lot of loss. My sincere condolences for the deaths of your mother in law and your own father. 

You ask a very hard question but before I get to it, can I first highlight some of the groups in this community where you might find others who’ve been through the loss of a loved one as well as to our vulval cancer group? I know you haven’t mentioned coping with loss or your own pending results so I hope you won’t find this a liberty. Maybe you’ll find them useful at some point. I hope so. 

The group Bereaved Family and Friends can be found here: https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/bereaved_friends/

The vulva cancer group is here: https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/vulva-cancer/

We do also have a Carers only group where you might pose your main question about your father in law. It may be that others have faced the same dilemma. You can find it here: https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/

I almost want to run away from your main question: can you go to look after your father in law? I’ve faced much less serious dilemmas in recent weeks about whether to go to hospital or not and I look at the risks of different courses of action as I decide. Is the risk of my going to hospital and potentially exposing myself to the virus bigger or smaller than the risk of not going for the treatment or test?

Maybe that’s something you could use in this situation. So for example, what are your father in law’s expectations? And what are the risks? If you’ve been socially isolated and your father in law has no other Carers for his recovery time after the operation, then surely the risk of you bringing corona virus into his home is less than the risk he suffers some injury through not being able to look after himself alone? 

I think it’s very easy to give a blanket “no” to your question that fits the rigid public health advice but doesn’t fit the real world where we have family obligations. 

I hope the Carers only group members will help you to explore this dilemma more fully. I hope the vulva cancer group will be able to help you through your own situation with cancer. 

I wish you all the best 

Hi 

I am so very sorry to hear about everything you and your family have been through recently. It’s beyond my imagining how you cope with such a lot of loss. My sincere condolences for the deaths of your mother in law and your own father. 

You ask a very hard question but before I get to it, can I first highlight some of the groups in this community where you might find others who’ve been through the loss of a loved one as well as to our vulval cancer group? I know you haven’t mentioned coping with loss or your own pending results so I hope you won’t find this a liberty. Maybe you’ll find them useful at some point. I hope so. 

The group Bereaved Family and Friends can be found here: https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/bereaved_friends/

The vulva cancer group is here: https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/vulva-cancer/

We do also have a Carers only group where you might pose your main question about your father in law. It may be that others have faced the same dilemma. You can find it here: https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/

I almost want to run away from your main question: can you go to look after your father in law? I’ve faced much less serious dilemmas in recent weeks about whether to go to hospital or not and I look at the risks of different courses of action as I decide. Is the risk of my going to hospital and potentially exposing myself to the virus bigger or smaller than the risk of not going for the treatment or test?

Maybe that’s something you could use in this situation. So for example, what are your father in law’s expectations? And what are the risks? If you’ve been socially isolated and your father in law has no other Carers for his recovery time after the operation, then surely the risk of you bringing corona virus into his home is less than the risk he suffers some injury through not being able to look after himself alone? 

I think it’s very easy to give a blanket “no” to your question that fits the rigid public health advice but doesn’t fit the real world where we have family obligations. 

I hope the Carers only group members will help you to explore this dilemma more fully. I hope the vulva cancer group will be able to help you through your own situation with cancer. 

I wish you all the bestI’m 

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I will go and check out these groups and thanks again for your support in these crazy times! Stay safe xx