Hey folks, I've gone back and forth on whether to post as I sometimes feel like I'm going mental. I did my 2nd round of chemo for breast cancer on Friday and it's the fears in my head that are getting to me more than anything else.
1st round, I didn't have nausea but every little bone, joint hurt, I couldn't get a hug without the gentle pressing on my skin feeling like I was being hit but that subsided over 2-3 day, got twinges, stabbing in my bones, mostly my lower back and the odd throbbing sensation from the lump itself but I could feel the lump get smaller ( whether that was just the swelling from biopsy and marker clip insertion) or actually the chemo working I dont know but it helped my frame of mind. Every twinge though brought fear that it was something more serious, irrational I dont know but after a few days I felt like a fraud as I had good energy levels, bowel movements were like clockwork when I cant remember the last time they had been. I had a dry throat, more so my food pipe, feeling like I needed to clear my throat allot but with this virus I have been scared to cough, if someone in the house coughed I immediately begin to panick. But as days go by I felt stronger in mind and although I had to go to the next chemo on my own I felt strong. I took a reaction to the drugs but it was quickly resolved and I managed to get my treatment thankfully :)
I didn't feel too bad afterwards, groggy and foggy, like I'm in slow mo until the pain set in again on day 2. I think its after the white cell injection, I cant explain that feeling and it's so draining but my brain immediately goes to the extreme when I feel anything. I felt a little nauseous this morning and I'm freaking myself out within minutes, I haven't shared any of these feelings with anyone as I am the stable, strong (only female in the house with my husband and 2 young boys). Kids feed off the vibes from their parents so I need to keep them mentally strong by staying on top and ploughing ahead, looking to the bright side, it's just hard to do sometimes. Suppose after all the spewing out of thoughts, I just wanted to know that I wasnt the only one feeling like this. Sorry I've waffled but I'm not deleting as I need to write it down.
Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community
It sounds like you're going through a lot at the moment and I hope that writing it down has helped.
The community is divided up into cancer specific groups so could I recommend that you join the breast cancer group as you can then ask questions, share experiences and get support from others who will understand what you're going through.
To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting 'start a discussion' and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'. To save you typing this out again you can just copy and paste it into a new post in the breast cancer group.
When you feel up to it, it would be useful if could pop something about your journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
Sending a supportive (((hug)))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
