I am totally new here and found this site at nearly 1am as I ca t sleep. I haven’t had a chance to read down everyone’s posts yet, but omg I feel for every one of you xx
ok, so I’m actually not the one with cancer xx my partner of 20 years was diagnosed last March with bowel cancer that had already spread to his liver. At that time his only option was chemo. He had 12 cycles of chemo and a targeted drug.... the oncologist was so shocked at how well he responded that he was referred to a liver specialist. Following his chemo he had 5 weeks of radiotherapy every day and then went on to have a very successful liver resection in December last year. The scan following his surgery showed no recurrence in liver and that the bowel had shrunk considerably. So he was then referred to the bowel surgery consultant. We were very much of the opinion from the oncologist and liver specialist that this was curable (obviously we knew that later it may return) . So he was due to see the surgeon tomorrow.
today he received a call from the surgeon basically saying he won’t be going ahead with his surgery due to the coronavirus.. he said that they were only doing urgent and surgery for patients that had a better survival rate. Unfortunately I was t there when my partner took the call, but he has now been left in the worst position possible. As I am sure a lot of others are.
omg as his partner I am speachless and devastated for him ... he now wishes he hadn’t bothered with any treatment and even having to be totally self isolated..... he feels he may as well not bother. Oh my I am terrified!! I worry so much as although he has and still is going through hell..... he remains my primary carer as I am disabled since having surgery that was not performed correctly. I have actually had 7 hip replacements and 5 dislocations since 2006 and am on crutches, in a hip brace and have catheter. I struggle with pain and unable to do most normal regular things without help or support. I also suffer with ptsd and now since this virus thing has happened, the surgery I need for my hip and my treatment for ptsd has been cancelled with no plans in place for future.
my biggest fears are I csnt support my partner as much as I want to or as he needs. He’s a very private person and would never ask for help. Instead he bottles it all up and then comes across as horrible, uninterested, sometimes even rude which I can’t take well and our teenage kids are finding it hard to take...... often not even wanting to be in same room.
i really don’t know what to do. I know you are all in horrible and frightening situations too, but any advice here would be great. I’m so fearful of the future..... if there is one. I’m terrified to go out in any case and now I have to go out as my partner can’t. I feel desperate and useless xx
oh having cancer must be the hardest thing anyone has to face.... I know it’s my absolute biggest fear. But being a partner or friend of someone with cancer is the hardest thing ever. I just don’t know what to do xxx
so sorry for rattling on and sorry if I offended anyone..... not my intention at all..... I’m just a desperate partner who needs help xxx
also, I’m always happy to message x. It would be great to get to know you xx
take care everyone xx stay well xo stay positive xo and stay safe xoxo
Hi and welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear about the challenges you and your partner are facing. These are hard times to be going through cancer treatments.
A cancer diagnosis can bring a lot of stress, confusion and many questions but talking with people who are on the same journey can help a lot.
I was the one with the cancer so caring for someone is not what I did but I always say the person doing the caring can have as hard at time as the patient.
I can see that you have joined our very supportive Carers only, and Family and friends these groups will connect with others supporting family through their cancer journey.
Posting in this groups will open up your concerns to a wider group of people who know exactly what you are going through at the moment.
Follow the links I've created then introduce yourself to the groups, you could copy and paste this post after selecting 'start a discussion' and you can also join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
As you will the site is organised into various support groups so we do have lots of groups that are Cancer specific.
You may want to put some information in your profile as this can help a lot. Click here to see how to add details as this helps everyone to see a little about you and how best to reply to you.
All the very best.
