I’m 20 years old living with both my parents and my younger sister. Since finding out about my dads incurable cancer 5 weeks ago, I have been struggling to cope mentally, physically and emotionally. I just joined this group. Sadly everything seems to take its toll in the middle of the night when I’m alone with no one to support me. I’m struggling to be strong for my younger sister because she needs me, but I don’t feel like I can keep going right now so yeah everything is just kind of overwhelming right now. If anyone has any support that would be great.
Dear , 5 weeks since your dad’s diagnosis is a just a blink of the eye when it comes to a adjusting to a situation like this, so the feelings you are having are completely normal, it’s not a matter of being strong or weak, whatever you tell yourself intellectually your subconscious will have have other ideas in the middle of the night. So what is to be done ? First of all, let the shock of it all subside first, then except that you must let your dad lead the way in how he wants to address the situation, it’s his cancer and his wishes need to be respected, then you can put your love and efforts into helping him and your mother deal with all the practical ramifications of being treated for an incurable cancer. You don’t mention what his diagnosis is ? Or if he has been given a prognosis at this point. There are many life extending treatments for all kinds of cancers available so it’s important to be as well informed as possible so the appropriate support can offered. You and your sister can become a good team together offering practical support and by trying to live your normal lives life as much possible so as not to add to your dads concerns for you both. Remember you are never alone here on the Macmillan forum day or night, there’s always someone’s virtual shoulder to lean on and tonight it’s me !
Hi and another welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear about your dad.
You will see that the Community is online 24/7 and there is always someone wide awake.
Taking with people who are on the same journey can help a lot. I see that you have found our very supportive Friends and Family group. You may also find our Carers Only and Supporting Someone with Incurable Cancer groups to be other good places where you can connect with others support family through their cancer journey but more importantly the carers care for each other.
Just follow the links I have created above then hit the ‘Join This Group’ tab just under the main group name, then go to the 'Start a Discussion' tab and set up your very own Discussion and introduce yourself to the group and ask your questions.
You may find our various Macmillan Support Line Services to be helpful - call them on 0808 808 00 00 This free service covers Emotional Support, Practical Information. Clinical Information, Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link.
We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’. section where you can post questions to our mostly Volunteer Experts but please allow 2 working days to get a reply.
Talking to people face to face can help a lot so check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.
When you feel up to it try putting some information in your profile. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. Just click on YOUR username, select 'Edit Profile'. Put as much or as little in your profile and you can amend it at any time - you can see members profiles by hitting our forum names.
All the very best
