Hi my dad age 82 went to doctors 12 weeks ago and was told to go to A&E he had a urine infection and trouble breathing .. he was admitted and they done further tests and found he had swollen lymph nodes .. it took the hospital 10 weeks to do a biopsy and confirm that he has stage 3 Hodgkin’s lymphoma .. during the past 10 weeks my dad has had 4 falls in hospital hurting his head every time with one time needing 7 stitches and has lost a lot of weight he is now down to about 7 stone and is really fed up in hospital as you can imagine as just before he was admitted he was fit and driving about but now is really confined to bed and needs help to go to the toilet as he has became weak and frail . My brother sister and I have had a chat with the doctor and the doctor has said that he can treat the cancer but in his opinion it would just sustain him the way he is and without treatment he would only live for 2/3 weeks ..
we have put this scenario to my dad and he has said no treat ment ..
but now 1 week on he seems to be a lot brighter as they are still giving him the steriods ..
the hospital is now saying that my dad will need 24 hours care and looking to get him out of the hospital into a home as he doesn’t want treatment... looking and observing my dad now it looks like he will last a good bit longer ..
what we as a family are thinking maybe the doctor has it wrong and if he was would my dads decision for no treatment have been different knowing that maybe there is a chance of returning to the way he was before being admitted instead of the doctor saying that he will stay the way he is now ..
looking some advise please just want the best for my dad
we lost our mum 10 years ago and my dad misses her dearly and I think he would love to see her again but I don’t want my dad missing out on family time here if he can be like he was ..
thank you
Hi and welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear about your dad and this is a difficult one for you all.
I was diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma over 20 years ago so have an understanding of blood cancers like HL.
Blood cancer can be complicated and at times hard to diagnose. So sorry that it took 10 weeks for getting a biopsy and receiving the results.
I have had many done over the years and the longest time was 6 weeks to go through the system including the weekly MDT meeting where all the experts review each complicated case.
We had a good idea what type of NHL I had but it took 12 months to get the proof.
The chemo used for HL is very strong and I talk with folks half your dad’s age who have a very had time going through it and for some it also involves going on to further treatment to eventually win the battle.
Has your dad been seen by a Haematologist? as these are the blood cancer experts and can give a realistic view on how he would get on with the treatment.
Your dad is saying no treatment, at what point did he start to say this? When I was getting my main chemo I spent many a day talking with 80 year old folks having chemo for blood cancer, some were doing great, some not.
I think you need another open and honest conversation with your dad and the medical team to ensure that a clear understanding has been made available by a parties - with this you can all move forward.
As I said, the chemo used for blood cancer is strong but along with the steroids can work rather quickly and for me I could see the difference in days as the brick sized lump on my neck just melted away.
6 years back I was 58 when I had to have full on treatment as my condition became aggressive. It was go on the treatment journey and if it worked I get life......... if it did not I would last a few years - hit my forum name to see my journey.
We do have a very supportive Hodgkin lymphoma group as this will open up your concerns to a wider audience who know exactly what you are going through at the moment.
Just follow the link above, hitting ‘Join the Group’ tab just under the main group name, then go to the 'Start a Discussion' tab and set up your own Discussion and introduce yourself to the group - you could just copy an paste what you have in this first post.
As I was the person with the cancer my experience of supporting someone is very limited, although my wife has been amazing over my 20 years. You may also find our Careers Only and Friends and Family groups to be good places where you can connect with others support family through their cancer journey but more importantly the carers care for each other.
You may find our various Macmillan Support Line Services to be helpful - call them on 0808 808 00 00 This free service covers Emotional Support, Practical Information. Clinical Information, Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link.
We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’. section where you can post questions to our mostly Volunteer Experts but please allow 2 working days to get a reply
Always around to help out,
