coping with a parent with cancer

Hello Millie, I’m sorry to hear about your Mum, it’s a scary time just one month from diagnosis but I’m glad you have reached out for support and welcome to the online community. I’m a mum myself with cancer, my daughters were in their late twenties when I was diagnosed 4 years ago, so I haven’t the experience you’re looking for but let’s see if I can help direct you to some places. Macmillan’s online community helps those over 16 so you’re  in the right place but I also wondered about another organisation

http://www.riprap.org.uk - it’s especially for teenagers who have a parent with cancer, they have an online forum. 

https://www.cancer.gov/publications/patient-education/when-your-parent-has-cancer I also found this booklet written by the national cancer institute in USA that might help 

For this Macmillan site the group to join might be friends and family or carers only if you are taking care of your mum (I’m not sure if your sister is doing that). I will put the links in. 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/being_a_relative_/discussions

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/discussions

A friend of mine on this site has teenagers and has said that their School has offered some good help as well. Do not be afraid to reach out for emotional support. I hope some of this is useful for you, as I’m just a patient you may want to call the Macmillan support line to it’s open 8am to 8pm on 0808 808 0000

best wishes 

Hi Millie,

I am really sad to hear about your mum. It must be really scary for all of you. I’m not in your position but I am the mum with a rare cancer and two teenage daughters. They are now 15 and 19 so quite similar to you and your sister. Maybe I can tell you a bit about how me and my girls handle it? 

First of all, the thing I want for my girls is for them to live their lives as normally as possible in what’s obviously an abnormal situation. In our house, that means doing well at school, having a social life, inviting friends over and so on. Sound familiar? 

There are times when I need their help though. The treatment for cancer can be really tough so my girls do help around the house more than their friends might. You wouldn’t believe what a difference it makes to come home from a day at the hospital and find the washing up done, the washing hanging out and the floor hoovered. 

We do talk about the cancer. It’s ok for you to be scared and even angry. It’s important you talk about this with someone who understands. I don’t always expect my girls to talk to me because I might not be the right person but I do check in with them that they are talking to someone, whether it’s a teacher, a school counsellor or a relative or friend. When you don’t talk about difficult feelings or worries they tend to grow much bigger in your head until they explode.

Is yours a family that hugs? Mine is. My girls are brilliant at hugging me especially when they notice I’m feeling unwell or worried. Cancer treatment can make you look different and feel unattractive. My girls are terrific at telling me I’m still their beautiful mum. 

I hope this helps. I wish you and your mum and your sister all the best 

xxx

Hi ,

Thankyou so much for the message it really means a lot. I’m so sorry to hear you have a rare form of cancer but it sounds like your 2 daughters are great support for you and your advice has really given me the help I needed to support my mum in the best possible way. This was very comforting to read as it’s very relatable in terms of my mum wanting me to keep up with school etc. And talking about the cancer. Thank-you so much- I will keep up the big hugs!

best wishes,
Millie xxx

Hi ,

Thanks so much for the reply and advice. I will definitely  check out all the sites and groups you have recommended me. I am receiving lots of emotional support at school including friends and school councillors which really help, and will be sure to ask for it whenever I need it.

thanks again and best wishes,

Millie x

You are welcome, Millie . Keep those hugs coming! 
xx