Help !

Hi, I know you don't want to be here but welcome to the online community and it was very heartbreaking to your post. To be hit with diagnosis and given the clear then to be hit with a second round of bad news to be honest I just do know how you feel but can understand your dilemma of what and how do you tell your children.

Obviously I would say that the best thing to do is to tell them all together as soon as possible and if you wife is able to join in it would be better. I need not tell you that children can be very quick on the update and need to know sooner rather than later.

The general advice when telling children is to make sure that you are prepared with what you want to say and adopt the policy of honesty is best, tell them as much as you think they can handle and be prepared to answer questions if you don't know the answer, don't flannel it tell them you dont know but you'll find out and come back. You know your children better than anyone else so you know how they will react.

As soon as you tell the children it is important that you tell their schools as they may experience some behavioral changes and if the school don't know they won't know how to handle it, but ask them to exercise discretion in which staff members know.

There us nothing wrong at showin g tears and being emotional and you can expect floods of tears when you speak to the children it's all normal.

We have a group that might interest you Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum and it might be beneficial for you to join this group and speak to the other members who can support you.

An organisation that we suggest you look at is Maggies as they may have support groups where you can go along to and chat with the staff, some of the centres have classes for helping children in your situation.

Our telephone support team are a group of very friendly people who you can chat to about anything you need to get off your chest and they usually have some useful suggestions. They can be contacted every day of the week between 8 am and 8 pm on 0808 808 0000. 

No matter which of our groups you join you will find yourself amongst a group of very friendly people who are very supportive of each other and you can come online at anytime to chat, vent your feelings or just let off steam and no one will judge you in anyway

You are also very welcome to join our Bowel (colon and rectal) cancer forum group and speak to the very knowledgeable members.

You may not think so but you are not alone and all the members want to help you at this time by answering questions and giving you support.

Ian

Hi NOidea, u might also to consider joining the Liver, secondary cancer group as it could be your wife's turning yellow means it's affected her liver. (Tho I hasten to add I'm not a medic)

There is a group called The Room where u can go and vent/ let off steam too