Both husband and wife coping with cancer

hi Ken  Drivermason

welcome to the online community, sorry you've had to come and find us

well, that's a huge amount to take in all at once.

firstly a hug to you both

I think the easiest for me right now, so you know we are here and listening, is to just give you some guidance on the finances

well, not me, the team

call the helpline and see if you can get instant financial help in the form of a grant

0808 808 0000  I'm fairly certain that is the number, it's vanished off the bottom of the page

then ask about any benefits you're entitled to

then make a list of anyone you pay money to on a regular basis and let them know you will be struggling for a while, don't be afraid to be explicit, this is cancer, a double dose, not a parking fine

late payment fees can be waived if you just ask, even interest can be stopped to avoid debt building up

most services have some kind of 'having difficulty paying' contact number or link on their web site

Mentally, I was told to "roll with the punches" for a while and I had to look up what that actually meant.

Anyway, we are here, quite a lot of us actually. 

more hugs

Carolyn

xxxxx

Hi Ken,

It's going to be tough. I've just finished the 6 weeks of radiotherapy only for your cancer in the tonsil only. The daily grind is hard but the staff will help you get thru it. Tell them your symptoms, don't put a brave face on it. Get the drugs you both need. Take them regularly.

Talk to your employer's, ask for their employee support number if they have one. Find out exactly what you are entitled to in company and statutory such pay. Talk directly to HR if you can.

Talk to your bank if necessary. 

Talk to MacMillan about any and all support you can get. 

You are going to have to ask for and take any help you can get, from friends & family. I was able to carry on working for a few weeks before going off sick, but I've got a great employer with great benefits. 

Take it one day at a time, look after each other the best you can. It must seen hell of a bleak right now, I feel for you. One day at a time. It's all you can do. 

Best sisgrs,

David

Hi Drivermason

I am so very sorry to read about your situation. Your question is a good one and I fear that the thing I want to say will sound trite: by taking it one day at a time.

Talking to a financial adviser on the Macmillan helpline recommended by Carolyn is a good start. There are benefits you might apply for as well as grants. The support workers on the helpline are also great for emotional support and a listening ear.

There is more support available here in the community. It’s surprisingly helpful to be in touch with people who have the same kind of cancer and can share experiences of treatment. Do take a look at the head and neck cancer group and the breast cancer group. The folks over there are amazing:

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/head-neck-cancer/

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/breast-cancer/

Friends and family are going to be really important. I know I find it really hard to ask for help, even after five and a half years of cancer treatment, but you’re going to need a lot of it. Do you have a network of friends and family who might be prepared to join a WhatsApp group where you and your wife can update on your progress and ask for the help you need? It might sound a stupid idea but it’s one that works for me. I find it much easier to ask for a lift to hospital, for example, or for someone to stay overnight with my daughter if I’m in hospital using my WhatsApp group. 

I must say that I feel helpless trying to think of ways you might get through the next few months. That pales into insignificance compared to how helpless you must feel. 

With my very best wishes to both of you 

xxx

Dear ken you’ve been given some excellent advice so far. Based on my own experiences being organised is the key to stress reduction. I would recommend keeping a journal in these early days where you can record all your appointments and interactions with doctors and the nhs administrative system. As a general rule the nhs is siloed in nature and communication between departments is dysfunctional. As someone with two separate illnesses I became my own case manager and found having the facts of my case at my finger tips very useful as the doctors often looked to me to enlighten them on aspects of my situation. You’ve got a big challenge ahead of you but with the help of people in the forum and getting the right professional advice you can prevail, these early days are the most difficult but once you get into a routine things will improve.

best wishes 

Jane

Thank you for the very comprehensive response Carolyn. It’s really appreciated.

We’re both having surgery tomorrow which will be difficult as we can’t be there for each other as we’re in different hospitals! 

I’ll call Macmillan next week while I’m laid up recovering. 

Thanks again xx

Thank you David for this excellent advice and also for sharing some of your experience. I think this forum is going to be a bit of a life line!

Thank you Daloni for your really helpful reply.

I am taking a everything that everyone says onboard and it’s all been great advice in what is a very dire situation!

Thanks again 

Thank you Jane for your excellent advice.

Everyone on here has been amazing and we’re both very grateful for all the advice we are receiving.