My Dad

FormerMember over 5 years ago

1 reply
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hi, my dad was diagnosed in April with advanced prostate cancer which spread to his bones pretty rapidly, I came down to Edinburgh area to see him from up north every couple of weekends but a fortnight ago I stayed as I can’t go home as he is failing rapidly and mum needs help. Last week he started on the palliative care pathway and it’s just getting hard watching him fade so quickly. We spoke in June about his ‘bucket list’ and all ha wanted was to see me married ( I’ve been with other half 24 years and have a grown up family ) but as it is important to him we agreed...date is set for 25th Oct, we thought we had more time but every day it’s looking less likely he will make it x Selfishly I need him there so any tips or suggestions how to manage would be gratefully received ....if I just cancel it all mum says it will break his heart but need my Dad

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Hi , I’m sorry to hear about your Dad diagnosis and how you’ve described him as fading away. I can fully understand you Dad wanting to see you married, for me it was something that ran through my mind when I had my diagnosis, that I would miss such an important life event for my daughters. It’s also very natural that you’d want your Dad there especially as you seem to be saying that you are doing it for him rather than you as a couple. I’m hoping that your Dad has seen and heard about some of the planning of the wedding and that in itself will have given something to look forward to and been a bright point over these last few difficult months.

I used to work and volunteer at an historic house near a hospice, it was a lovely wedding venue, it’s very natural for brides and grooms to have thoughts of things going wrong before a wedding and that’s before the added complication of a Dad who is not well. May I make a suggestion of reposting this in the friends and family group to get a variety of experiences of how others have coped. I will put the link in below.

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/being_a_relative_/discussions

I have seen weddings where a memorial table was set aside as a loved parent hadn’t made the wedding in person but their presence was very much there.

i have had a friend who while on palliative care made it to her daughters wedding with the aid of a wheel chair and a bedroom available for when they needed a rest, she couldn’t make it through the whole meal but thoroughly enjoyed the event as well as making wedding favour boxes with the bride and groom before the event. My friends funeral was a few weeks later but she enjoyed talking about the day until all she did was sleep.

My sister in law, married her long term partner after her mum passed away, I suspect that was influenced by a mums last wish.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and a decision is only right on the day that it’s made, I hope you can have as enjoyable time with your Dad as you can, and work out if a postponement/cancellation or making adjustments so everyone can have a great day is the way to go.

I like the saying when life gives you lemons make lemonade, you seem to be at the looking at the recipe stage.