Hi there,
I’m new to this so bear with me, and I’m going to try and make this as short winded as possible.
My boyfriend was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in February 2018. He was told he was in remission in November 2018. I didn’t meet him until February 2019 and he is almost a year in remission, and with a recent visit to his specialist who was very happy with how he was, im struggling to now understand any side effects or fatigue if there is any still.
I’m a Nanny. I work super long days 6 days a week. I have attempted to speak to my boyfriend about getting back to work. Before his diagnosis he was a chef. He was told this was his reasoning for his oesophageal cancer and he’d just been really unlucky. He’s not a big drinker and he’s never smoked. He can’t go back into what was his career, so I understand at the age of 33 finding a new career will be terrifying. His doctor is happy to continuously prolong his sick note therefore giving him no motivation to start the career search, which is frustrating, but I don’t want to seem unfair.
Long and short of it is I just really need some advice to help me understand how to help him please. I’m really struggling and I don’t want him being happy with me to shadow what’s going on in his head.
Thank you in advance
Laura
Hi Laura and welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear about your boyfriend.
A cancer journey can bring a lot of stress, confusion and questions on. You would think that once treatment is finished that is it - move on with life, but this often is not the case. He has been in remission for 10 months now so should be able to start to move on but it is often it does take a positive mindset to do this.
We do have this group Life after Cancer where folks share the challenges of moving on with life, have a look through and you may want to post your text from this, your first post.
I often post in Life after Cancer as I am now 4 years post my treatment and you will see that one tool I often put in as an answer is this great paper, folks will actually come back to me and say that they think that the paper had been written just about them.
Have a look through the paper as it will give you an idea as to the post treatment journey he is on.
Can I direct you to this link to our Gullet (oesophagus) cancer group where you will connect with people who understand the journey your boyfriend is on. You can ask the folks questions like what to expect during the months ahead.
Follow the linsk above and join the groups by hitting the ‘Join the Group’ tab just under the main group name and it is worth indicating how you want to receive email notifications when someone answers your posts.
Go to the 'Start a Discussion' tab just under the main group name and set up your own Discussion and introduce yourself to the group - you could just copy an paste what you have in this first post.
You may find our various Macmillan Support Line Services to be helpful - call them on 0808 808 00 00 This free service covers Emotional Support, Practical Information. Clinical Information, Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link.
We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’. section where you can post questions to our mostly Volunteer Experts but please allow 2 working days to get a reply.
From my long experience, talking to people face to face can help a lot. I don't know if he would be up for this but it does help a lot. You can check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.
When you feel up to it try putting some information in your profile. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. Just click on YOUR username, select 'Edit Profile'. Put as much or as little in your profile and you can amend it at any time - you can see members profiles by hitting our forum names.
All the very best.
