Respecting my wishes.

Hello Marthapeace,

I'm sorry to hear how your sister's behaviour is affecting u. I'm sure u could well do without it. You're welcome to sound off to the community about it if it helps.

It sounds like u are being quite firm with her n if she's also been pulled up by the professionals that helps too.Does she go to your appointments with you!?If so, u might want to ask someone else instead.

U might also find it useful to join the Brain tumours group,so u can get support from folk in a similar position to u.

Hi

I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis and about the difficulty you are having with your sister. It sounds a very tricky situation. It’s incredibly hard to know what to say. 

I’ve been living with incurable cancer for three and a half years and I have four sisters. I’ve not encountered a situation quite like yours but I’ve seen how my sisters struggle with my diagnosis and know that they find it very hard to talk to me about that. It’s almost like they feel they are not entitled to feel sad or upset or angry at what’s happening to me - or at least they are not able to talk to me about their feelings. I’ve tried telling them that it’s ok to talk to me - who better to understand? 

I have been thinking about what I would do in your shoes - and please bear in mind I’m commenting based on only the tiny amount of information I have from your post.

I think the only sensible thing I can think of is to try listening to her. I would try to step back from my own feelings and ask her how she’s feeling and what it all looks like from her perspective. It seems to me that’s the first step. Then you might be able to talk to her about how you feel and your need to be in control of your diagnosis and with whom the information is shared. If she feels heard she might just be able to hear you. 

Easier said than done, I’m sure, and almost certainly more than one conversation. 

As buttercup has said, it might be useful to join our brain cancer group. I wonder if you might get some other ideas in the emotional issues group? Links to follow....

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/brain-cancer/

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/emotional_issues/

It might be an idea to suggest to your sister that she join our family and friends group? It’s a forum where family and friends can share their experiences and get support 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/being_a_relative_/

Good luck! I hope you can find a way through this for both your sakes. 

Xx

Many thanks for your feedback.

My sister is not into technology and has no internet. She has all the books, contact numbers to hand.

Yes she is worried about losing her baby sister. She is not deaf but never listened  to my wishes. If I don't know the answers why does she speak to the professionals who could give her the answers she need.

She keep asking questions to which there are no answers, and do want to hear the same old questions so therefore she needs to ask the professionals. 

I will try the links at  another time and many thanks for replying. I've been so busy this morning changing all my curtains,  netting and cleaning windows. 

Next week I will start my treatment for 6 weeks.  I think my sister was shocked to see it in writing, yet she was there to hear it. 

Regards 

Hi

good luck with the treatment. I hope all goes well. 

Xx

Many thanks for your reply, which is very much appreciated.

I've joined the brain tumour charity yesterday.  I would like someone's else to come with me to appointments but have no friends. 

I'm worried that she talking about me to her friends if she has concerns.i had to pull her up as she was talking about my business to taxi drivers. I got so fed up, that I told her that she is breaking my confidentiality to complete strangers.

For the next 6 weeks from Monday to Friday I have radiotherapy and no mention of chemotherapy. She comes with me as collect and return service. Once I'm there she does her own thing.

I then send her a text when I'm ready to leave after my latte.

I have asked Macmillan for a befriending service, just awaiting referral.

Ii have come to terms with everything and am at peace with myself. I just  all these endless questions and told her and her son to contact Macmillan themselves. She is not deaf but iambutnever listens. 

Cheers