Helping my mum to

Hello , I sorry to hear about your Mum, some of what you said struck a chord with me as I used to visit a friend (and her husband) who had breast cancer that had spread to her brain. In fact my friend had been a very active member in the local cancer support group prior to her recurrence and she organised herself a diary of people to come and visit her to give her husband some time to himself, and to give her some company for an hour or a bit longer each day. Sometimes she liked to chat about her cancer to people who  would not be as emotional as perhaps her family might be and other times it was to be a total distraction a chat and gossip session, she was happy to hear of what people were up to. Other times she was very sleepy and if her husband didn’t want to have time out we would offer help with the housework or offer a game of cards or help with a jigsaw puzzle or a chat to her husband.

Sorry I’ve gone of topic a bit, I’m KT and I’m one of the champions usually found in the melanoma group, I’m a patient myself but of course in time all patients have friends affected by cancer,  and I wanted to welcome you to the community and suggest a few groups on this site that you might like to join to get support. 

I was thinking of the friends and family group or the carers group, you could put some of the info in your profile to help people answer your post and be helpful to others when you answer someone else’s. You might find someone going through something similar to yourself. I have to admit I don’t fully know what’s in your mind about helping your mum, but you must have worries that you want to voice to get support for you and thoughts about what help you might like to give to your Mum and Dad.

Here are the links to the groups I mentioned. https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/being_a_relative_/discussions

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/discussions

Best wishes

Hi  and welcome to the Online Community, although I am sorry to see you finding us and so sorry to hear about your mum and the treatments she is going through.

Pease accept my apology for you not getting a reply sooner, but you have found a safe place to get the help you are looking for.

A cancer diagnosis brings a lot of stress and confusion on all the family, my cancer journey was rather different being the patient but talking with people who are on the same journey can help a lot and will reduce the whirlwind wind that is rushing in your head and get some ideas about ways forward.

First can I direct you to these links to our Lung Cancer and Brain, secondary tumours Forums where you will connect with people who understand the treatment journey your mum is on. You can ask the folks questions about tests, treatments and what to expect during the months ahead. 

For more day to day practical issues - we do have these forums where you can connect with others supporting family and friends through their cancer journey: Carers Forum  and Friends and Family Forum

Follow the links above and join the group by hitting the ‘Join the Group’ tab just under the main group name and it is worth indicating how you want to receive email notifications when someone answers your posts.

Go to the 'Start a Discussion' tab just under the main group name and set up your own Discussion and introduce yourself to the group - you could just copy an paste what you have in this first post. 

You can also have a look through the various threads by going into the ‘Discussions’ section.

You may find our various Macmillan Support Line Services to be helpful - call them on 0808 808 00 00 This free service covers Emotional Support, Practical Information. Clinical Information, Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link.

We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’. section where you can post questions to our mostly Volunteer Experts but please allow 2 working days to get a reply.

Our Online Information and Support Section  is a good place to find information covering cancer diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers.

Talking to people face to face can help a lot so check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.

When you feel up to it try putting some information in your profile. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. Just click on YOUR username, select 'Edit Profile'. Put as much or as little in your profile and you can amend it at any time - you can see members profiles by hitting our forum names.

All the very best.

Thank you so much. So much useful information 

regards

kazza37

Thank you. So much for your reply. You have some really good ideas. Which we haven’t thought of. And I will be joining the other groups

thank you. I had such a kind response from every one. It’s very hard being on the side lines I don’t feel how  my mum feels and can’t really understand as I’ve not been through it myself I just don’t want to miss anything (signs which she may not realise that things are not right) And there is so much information out there it send u in to a fizz. 

Thanks again for your response 

I will always say that the people looking can have as hard a journey as the person going through treatment. My long suffering wife had to put up with a lot over my 20 years and she is my best thermometer as to what I can and can’t do.

The ‘fizz’...... I often call this the battle between the ears. But clear information from your mum’s team can help a lot. So if you have not done this, get yourself a note book and start downloading ALL the questions ‘fizzing’ round your head and start getting answers. The answers can be found by talking with your mum’s team or using the links I have given you.

Watch what you use Google for as there is a lot of unhelpful places you can find yourself in.

All the very best and a big Thehighlander ((hug))

Thank you so much for your reply.