You are in the right place, I'm so sorry that you have had to join and for all that you have been through over the last few months. The site has a group for bereaved family and friends, it's at https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/bereaved_friends/ and will provide a safe place for you to share your feelings.
If you need some more practical or emotional support the helpline will open again tomorrow on 0808 808 0000. You can call samaritans any time on 116 123.
If you have a maggies centre nearby they offer support to friend and family too and sometimes offer counselling services, I've had a few sessions of counselling and they have really helped me, I'm here with a dodgy womb.
To get out of my own head I like meditation videos from you tube and I also find that deep breathing exercises help calm me too.
I hope that you find some comfort from the group and that you can start taking care of yourself as well as everyone else, well done for taking the first step, it's not easy admitting that you need help.
