To scared to talk

Hi Stuiow,

I have no experience of melanoma but do have experience of problems with the mental side of things. It’s great that you’ve reached out for support, you’ll find a lot of it here.

I was wondering if you’ve ever had counseling, or would consider it? It definitely helped me to share what was going on in my head without burdening my wife and kids. It definitely helped me to process what had happened to me. Maybe could you mention this to your GP or specialist melanoma team?

Just wanted you to know that these thoughts after cancer can be quite common, you are definitely not alone, and there is great support out there that you can access.

Wishing you all the very best

Greg

Hi Greg thanks for the reply and no I have not had or asked for counselling as iv just tried to hold it all together for my family and as a man just don’t wanna burden any of my family I have booked a gp appointment for Aug and I do have a scan coming up at the end of the month and this is where I will raise my worries to my main cancer gp at Southampton I am just finding it really messed up that I’m genuinely mostly out of the woods but I can’t get back to my normal self I try I try I try but every night I’m up till early hours thinking about it worried about it can’t shake it off can’t move on I have great ideas of what I think I’m capable of but never take the next step allways making excuses to not do fun things when I’m fact I should be jumping at the chances thanks for your advice I will relay all this to my gp and consultant cheers stu 

Hi Stu,

Mentioning it to the medics sounds like a really good idea. Also, there’s a lot of evidence out there which shows the toughest time mentally is often well after treatment ends, as people try to make sense of things, so please don’t think you are not doing as well as you should be doing. You’ve had a big life event at a relatively young age, it’ll definitely take time to sort out. I understand the “man” thing, there’s times when you do need to be the man. But then there’s times when you need the support and space to work things out for yourself. And speaking about emotions is a really important way to getting yourself better mentally in the long term. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and definitely speak with the medical teams to see what they can offer. Also, stick around here, you’ll find lots of people who have some understanding of what you’re going through. I’ve put some links to groups on this site that might be helpful:

Emotional issues - Discussion Forum

Diagnosed at a young age forum

All the best

Greg

Hi and a second welcome to the online community

I see that greg777 has given you some great advice and I wondered if you'd like to join us over in the melanoma group where you can chat to others who will understand what you've gone through. 

To join us just click on the link I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the page that opens. You can then post a question or introduce yourself after selecting 'start a discussion' and respond to existing posts by clicking on 'reply'. 

When you have a minute it would be really useful if could pop something about your journey so far into your profile as it helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

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Hi Stu

Getting back to normal after a major illness is perhaps a bit of an illusion as I don't think you are the person you were before the treatment. Whilst physically with a lot of effort you may be able to get close or even exceed where you were prior to the treatment (depending on how fit you were to begin with), I think mentally you become a changed person.

I am 6 years post transplant and I am now only just realising that I don't have to be who I was before I was ill. The only expectation of getting out there and doing everything, keeping up with my family and friends all of the time is one that I have put on myself.. not one that is expected of me. 

I think it just takes time to come to terms with the fact how ill you have been, and accept that. Then you will be able to find the pace of life that works for you. Have a plan to try and do some of the fun things and see how you get on. Perhaps it is the fear of trying things and not being able to do them as well as you once might have done that worries you sub consciously. I am now 50 and I was 42 when my treatment started and that on its own will have an impact!

Counselling may be a good thing to try as Greg says, and perhaps try and talk to your family about how you feel.

There is still a lot of good life in you yet I am sure.. perhaps dip your toe in to a few things and see how it goes!

Thank you all for taking time out to comment on my post and give the advice you all have iv joined the melanoma group and will speak out about what I’m feeling and what I’m going thru I think it’s expected that for people who haven’t been thru what I have that once you get good results your expected to be back to what you use to be well like Paul said I don’t think that will ever happen but it’s took me 5 years so far to seek any advice/help I have opened up to my wife about a lot but still I don’t think it really hits home I will speak to my medical team and just feel greatfull that people took there time out to reply and advice me thanks everyone Stu 

U could also try going the Life after cancer group, tho we might all b a bit old for u lol.?

Greg's advice is v good- he knows what he's talking about