Pallative chemo

Hi

I am very sorry to hear about your partner. Devastating and daunting are two very apt words. 

I remember being told similar news over three years ago. The womb cancer had spread and was now incurable. The only thing the doctors had to offer was palliative chemo. Since then, yes I have had palliative chemo and been able to access a new biological therapy and I’m now on a clinical trial. The aim has always been to control the cancer rather than to cure it and to reduce symptoms. No, it’s not been easy but I’ve learned to stay in the day and not spin off into a catastrophe that hasn’t happened. I’ve learned to live with cancer and the side effects of so much treatment. 

Back to you and your partner. I might be teaching my grandmother to suck eggs but I wonder what you think when you hear the word palliative? For me, it meant end of life. I’ve learned that this is not necessarily the case. It really means controlling symptoms when there’s no cure. I think it’s an important distinction - especially when you’re in shock and taking in news like you’ve just had. 

I take the approach that the doctors will do what they do best - medicine - and I’ll do what I do best - look after myself. Keeping as active as I can, eating well, meditating, getting help from counsellors and psychologists when I’ve needed it. That kind of thing. There’s also quite a lot of admin to do sorting out wills and benefits and the like. 

It’s ok for you to feel doubts and to admit you don’t feel strong and brave. Being brave really means feeling scared and doing it anyway. It’s important you express those feelings and if you can’t do that to your partner (and I wonder why not?) then find somewhere you can. This community is a great and safe place to do that and the best way is to join a group where people will be going through similar experience to you. There’s a Carers group and a prostrate cancer group, for example. 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/prostate-cancer/

Take some time to have a look round the website. There’s lots of info as well as a support line too. 

Good luck! 

Xx

I’m an idiot - not prostate but colorectal cance! I’m sorry. 

Here is a more useful group; 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/bowel-colon-rectum-cancer/

Xx

Thank u so very much for your reply. I hope you continue to remain well.