Low grade ovarian cancer

Hi

I am so sorry to hear that the cancer is back. It sounds as though you have a good handle on the facts about the disease and as you say, it’s low grade and slow growing. But the matter of coming to terms with the news - well, that’s a different kettle of fish altogether. 

Perhaps I can share my experience? I was diagnosed with recurrent womb cancer over three years ago and I was told it was incurable. I’m also a mother of teenagers and of course my immediate thoughts turned to them. What were they going to do without me? Would their lives be blighted by this?  Like you, I felt a huge sense of doom and gloom. In short, I felt as though I was dying. 

It took me a long while to learn to live again. These days my mindset is one of living with the cancer. I live in the day as much as I can and enjoy what life has to offer. That can be as simple as a cup of tea or a flower opening. I practice gratitude. 

The things that helped me reach this were meditation (I use the headspace app), a three good things diary (where I write down three good things from each day last thing at night), counselling, yoga, massage, keeping as active as I’m able, and this community. It’s here I can offload and rant on the inevitable low days as well as share the good ones with people who know what it’s like because they are in the same boat.

I don’t know what you’ve been told about whether a cure can be achieved. I do know that these days, the thinking around incurable cancer is changing. There are lots of people who now live with cancer that is treatable but not curable. My feeling is that the doctors will look after the medical bit. My job is to look after me, both my physical and mental well-being. 

I think your feelings of doom and gloom are entirely understandable and to be expected. Try not to beat yourself up for finding it hard to be positive. It’s normal.  I felt a huge sense of loss when the cancer returned and with it came anger and sadness- both strong emotions that seemed to be linked to me grieving for a future that had been taken away. I don’t think there’s anyway around these feelings. Can’t go over them, can’t go under them, got to go through them. But it is possible to go through them and come out the other side. 

Mine is only one perspective. I hope you might find others by joining a couple of groups here in the community. I’d suggest the ovarian cancer group; it might be too early to join the living with incurable cancer group but it’s there if you need it. You can explore the full range of groups by hitting the groups tab on the community homepage. 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/ovarian-cancer/

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/living_with_incurable_cancer/

I hope this helps. If I could, I’d give you a hug. I hope a virtual one will do 

Xx

Hi and thanks for your response. 

Ive been told its incurable but im not classed as terminal although i will be under palliative care for the rest of my life. 

Ive been especially tearful this weekend as i payed my parents a visit and today my son has told me he is going to propose to his gf of 4 years. I just feel so sad and flat about the fact that i feel as though my life is now limited and all the things i used to look forward to have now been snatched away from me. I burst into tears as soon as my soon told me his news because what if im not here to see him on the biggest day of his life? What if i never get to meet any grandchildren?? And then theres my daughter who will be doing her gcses next year, im going to miss so much of her life. Its just so unfair! I havent reached the angry or acceptance stage yet as im too busy feeling sorry for myself and i cant seem to lift myself out of it. 

Ive an app this afternoon to apply for esa and thats stressing me out a bit too. Maybe ill feel a little better once thats out of the way

Hi

I can really relate to what you’re saying. It is unfair and it’s ok to feel sorry for yourself. I think it takes time to climb out of the slough of despond. My younger daughter is doing her GCSEs next year. My older daughter is off to university in the autumn. I didn’t think I’d see either of these. 

There is quite a lot of admin to see to but oddly I found it a comfort - it was something that was in my control. I hope your ESA assessment goes well. Lay it on thick is my advice. 

Xx