Telling the children

Hi Sukki17 and welcome to the Online Community, although I am so sorry to see the circumstance that brought you here and so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

A cancer diagnosis can bring a lot of stress on a family but talking with people who are on the same journey will help a lot and will help reduce the whirlwind wind that is rushing in your head.

As my cancer journey was rather different and as my daughters were grown up it was not a dig problem but you may like to follow these links to our Breast cancer and our Breast cancer for the under-50s where you will connect with people who understand the journey you are on. You can ask the folks questions about treatments, what to expect and I am sure there are mum’s who have been in your shoes.

Follow the link and join the groups. To do this hit the ‘Join the Group’ tab just under the main group name. At this point go to the right on the group home page and select how you want to receive email notifications when someone answers your posts. If in the future you don’t want to receive notifications just switch off the email notifications tab.

The best way to get support is to go to the 'Start a Discussion' tab just under the main group name. Set up your own Discussion and Introduce yourself to the group - you could just copy an paste what you have in this first post.

Have a look through our various Macmillan Support Line Services then call them on 0808 808 00 00 to be very helpful covering Emotional Support and Practical Information. Clinical Information and Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link.

All the very best.

Sukki17

Hi and my welcome to the online community and I am also sorry to hear of your diagnosis and I hope I can help by giving you some pointers about speaking to your children.

It is a difficult thing you have to do and finding the words and the right time is very important. To get through it you need to be well prepared and know what you are going to say and it is really important that you are honest with them, if they ask you a question and you don't know the answer don't bluff it out tell them you don't know but you'll find out and come back to them. If you can have someone else with you for morale support who can fill in any gaps if emotion gets to you, and it's okay to cry.

Please try to avoid googling if you need information this is the place to come and ask, our information is up to date and factual.

You may find that the youngest one may grasp the situation quicker than the other two and give you support.

If they ask what they can do to help take them up on the offer and don't exclude them let them be involved in anyway they want to, take your lead from them.

Once you have spoken to them you should contact their school(s) and inform the teachers and let them be your eyes and ears when they are at school, news like you've just given them can have a dramatic effect on their schoolwork and behaviour and if the teachers know they can make allowances and cut them some slack.

Sorry I don't know their ages and I have fallen into the trap of assuming they are of school age and not past that stage.

We at Macmillan have a booklet that you can download which may give you some pointers

Talking to children

They may also find this of interest, it's an American publication but teenagers are the same the world over

When your patent has cancer

If you click onto this

Macmillans Support in your local area

And enter your postcode it will show what Macmillan facilities are available to you in your area.

If you are fortunate enough to have a Maggies near to you they may have the following available.

Support for Children

In a number of their Centres they offer one-off Kids Days and Teen Days for children and young people who have a parent with cancer. These sessions provide a space in which young people can explore their concerns, meet others in the same situation and find out more about what is happening to their mum or dad.

If you would like support talking to your children about cancer please get in touch with your local Centre. You can find your nearest Maggies Centre by clicking on the green text above and entering in your postcode.

Even if your local  Maggies  doesn't have children's support activities it might be worth you having a look at their services that could be of help to you.

The people at the centres are amazing and can be a great help to you.

I hope that my contribution will have been of some help to you at this time and I would like to remind you that you are very welcome to come back on here and ask us any questions, the door to the online community is always open and it may interest you to know that in the Breast cancer forum group there is a very lively ongoing discussion called AWAKE where the members speak to each other day and night and exchange stories or discuss the topic of the day and I'm sure you'll be made very welcome if you pop along to see them sometime.

All the groups in the Macmillan forum are very friendly with the members being extremely supportive towards each other, in fact we're just like a big family and we have just adopted you.

If I can be of any further help with sourcing information about speaking to the "children" let me know and I'll try and help.

Best wishes

Ian

By clicking on any of the green text above will open up new pages for you.

Hi Sukki17

I've come across the following and I thought it might be of interest to you and help you in your talk to the children.

I've listed the individual topics but if you want to open up the first one the rest follow on, I didn't copy them all as I didn't think some would be appropriate at this time.

who should tell children

What should I tell children

Where should I tell children

How should I start

What should I tell them

Telling a child's teacher

I hope these help you and, if possible, makes the talk easier.

Here to chat if you want to at anytime.

Ian

By clicking on the green text above will open up new pages for you.