I need some support for my 8 year old

Hi

So sorry that your son is struggling to manage his feelings at the moment. I haven’t had experience with this myself but the link I’ve attached has lots of age appropriate material you could use with your son to help him get through this.

I hope this is of some help to you. 

Best wishes

Dear

I am so sorry to hear that cancer has taken so many of your parents, and your son’s grandparents. I think Cassie has given you links to some excellent info. I really hope you’ll be able to read it. It can be heartbreaking but in my experience it helps to understand the behaviours I see in my children and nieces. 

I wonder if it will help if I write a bit from my experience as a mum? I’m living with incurable cancer and have two teenage daughters. My own mother died of cancer over 20 years ago when my nieces, to whom she was very close, were aged 2 and 7. They still miss her, still cry but also laugh and smile at her memory and we have very much kept her memory alive. Lots of “do you remember when...” and lots of “Nana would have loved this.”

I completely understand the mother’s urge to make everything better and the sense of helplessness when we can’t. But I’d like to ask you a question. What would your son coping well really look like? Because it seems to me that a boy who is as able to talk about his feelings and let them out is coping very well indeed.  I suspect that’s down to you and you should be proud of him and yourself. He’s not bottling it up and that’s healthy.

If he were my child, I’d tell him it’s ok to feel sad and angry and he’s doing the right and the brave thing to let it out. I’d let him know he won’t always feel this way. I might suggest he do something to raise money for a cancer charity as a channel for his anger against the disease - and see what ideas he comes up with. 

I wish you all the best as you try to help your son through this difficult time. Anger and sadness are part of grieving. With time, love and support, they do give way to acceptance. 

Xx

Ps It might help to join the group bereaved family and friends 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/bereaved_friends/