Scared, not knowing yet what is happening.

Hi and welcome to the online community although I'm sorry that you've had to find us.

Waiting for the results of tests and biopsies is always very stressful and there's no easy answer as to how to cope with this. Some people throw themselves into their hobbies and pastimes and others clean the house from top to bottom (mine needs doing if you've already done yours) but the bottom line is that you need to try and distract yourself until you know what you're dealing with. 

I've quickly learnt that no amount of worry will change anything but it will make you miserable.

If you could tell me what type of cancer you are being tested for then I can point you in the direction of a group to join where you can share experiences and get support. 

In the meantime I'm sending a supportive ((hug))

x

Hi, thank u for your thoughts, I don't know what I am up against, have had a lymph node biopsy that has shown cancer cells. Was told it was metatarsis, possibly breast or lung but no idea where the primary tumour might be. My mind is running riot that is is rampant but waiting for hospital appt for scan to find out. My good friend who died 4 years ago had a similar thing, cancer cells in lung but turned out to be ovarian which had been missed. Know I am being silly but can't help myself..  Not being selfish, help all wildlife & keep thinking if them and my 4 beautiful cats, feed birds, squirrels, foxes, newts u name it I love them all. We've robbed them of their habitats & I'm not ready to leave them yet. Thank you again & hugs to you too x

Hello , you know you made me google come on you Irons, after I read your post to find out it was West Ham, that was after I first put in Irons and only got well you can imagine lots of adverts. It made me smile though as 4 years ago when it was suspected that I had lymphoma and I was waiting biopsy results I watched the Women’s Football World Cup, and 4 years on its World Cup time again. With me I had the scan first and because of the many enlarged lymph nodes showing up they then took a biopsy from the largest. I then waited for the results to be told what type of cancer and to see an oncologist to discuss what treatment would happen. I remember it being a worry time and as if the clock had stopped, each day seemed so long. I hadn’t really watched football before but it really took my attention away from, well just waiting.

They never did find a primary tumour with me, one theory was that my immune system had been able to deal with it on its own. I was told not to google until things were more certain and I’m glad I didn’t as my cancer wasn’t lymphoma, it was metastatic melanoma, metastatic meaning cancer that had spread from the original asked what type of cancer so that she could refer you to the right group, but I see you don’t know yet. Some people at this stage might just keep replying in this post or join the unknown primary group, I’ve put a link in below for you to click on.

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/unknown-primary-cancer/discussions

You have done well that you ignored your doctor who said it was nothing and you started the ball rolling with getting a diagnosis. When your in a period of uncertainty there’s a tendency to forget things, or is that just me ? If I could give any advice back to me back then I would have found this site earlier and looked at the coping with emotions pages and worked out what questions to ask for the next step of diagnosis. But I was given phone numbers to call, and a time scale for the results and I tried to put it out of my mind until that two week period had passed. So below I’m putting in a few links that I’m hoping might help you, it gave me a feeling that things were moving forward when I knew that they were trying to find what type of cancer I had so that treatment could start, not realising that each cancer had different treatment drugs and methods.

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/unknown-primary-cancer/understanding-cancer/what-is-cancer-unknown-primary.html#308140

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/unknown-primary-cancer/coping/your-emotions/dealing-with-your-emotions

There is such a lot of info in the Macmillan info and support site including ideas for looking after pets if your ill, and there is the support line 0808 808 0000 if you just want to talk through your anxieties. Sometimes it’s good to get them all out on paper or by talking to someone to just get the angst out so that you can regroup and think more positively that things are better now that things are moving forward, than they would be if you had not pushed to get a biopsy done.

best wishes and good luck and please let us know how you get on and if there is anything you want to off load or ask.

Hi

I'm sorry I wasn't around to reply to you last night but I have to confess that I'd gone to bed by the time your reply appeared. I don't normally reply to posts if I'm not going to be around for a while but I spotted that your's had been posted 3 hours previously and didn't want to leave you all night thinking nobody had read it.

I see my friend KTatHome has given you some good links which you might want to take a look at. You might not feel ready to join a group yet, or want to wait until you have your results, but do let us know how you get on.

I'm not sure if I'm reading things into your post but it sounds to me as if you feel that you've done something wrong to get cancer. You say that you're not selfish and you look after wildlife and your pets and I get the impression that you're saying "why me". We all feel like that at some time but try not to be too hard on yourself. Cancer doesn't care how good or bad you've been in the past, it's indiscriminate and that's what makes it so unfair.

x

Hello KTatHome, thank you for your comforting words and support, it meant a lot to me. 

It is the not knowing that is making my mind race, I have always had an active mind and its now running away with all sorts of thoughts. The reason for for this I think is because after the results of my biopsy the possible site of the primary tumour was very vague. My chest xray was basically ok and breast exam by my GP revealed nothing obvious hence the racing thoughts. I hope the hospital contacts me soon.

Meanwhile, the womens world cup is about to start so thats good - hope they do better than the men in the Nations Cup!! I have supported Hammers for 65 years and, trust me, i am quite capable of going into meltdown when they have a tough game!! My other half calls me a football hooligan - he hates the game. Not a hooligan more a granny in hobnail boots!! 

My cats are a comfort to me, all rescued, and very much loved.

Thank you again for your  concern and I will let you know how things progress when they do x MW

Hi Latchbrook, thank you for your kind thoughts, its nice to know I'm not alone.

I don' actually feel 'why me' I know how random it can be and, as you say, unfair at times, I lost a cousin at 5 sixty years ago and she was a sweet little girl. 

I have always tried to be a champion of animals and wildlife, belong to many charities and just feel I still have something to contribute to the cause. What a sad world if you never heard a blackbird sing on a summer morning. Don't mean to be melancholy but I do feel passionate about it and I am sure it will help me through the road ahead. 

My cats, 4 at the mo, all rescued, give me great solace. I have nine in the garden (makes me sound awful) but all rescued nearly all lived to a ripe old age, my last two 19 1/2 and 19 1/4. Beautiful babies each and every one and good lives, spoilt rotten I can assure you!! 

I will try and fight this - after all I am a West Ham supporter!!! Need I say more. Thank you again for your concern x MW

Watching it right now