My Mum is in her final days and whilst I have coped ok thus far, I’m really struggling to cope today. She has had a long and complicated journey - stage 4 lymphoma in peritoneal cavity: stents, multiple nephrostomies, dialysis through a femeral line, neutropenic sepsis every cycle of chemo - only to find that she has widespread refractory lymphoma and is now terminal. Several family members have pushed for her to be included in a last minute clinical trial and now, as a result, we end up back in hospital for her final days - catheterised, weak, tired, unable to eat or drink or articulate herself. She has suffered so much and has been an in-patient for the best part of nine months and I so wanted her ending to be different (somewhere different and her less distressed).
I don’t know why today has made me crumble completely. I am relieved the trial will not go ahead but I feel so far from the family who (I feel) selfishly pushed for this despite being told categorically that she could not be cured. One in particular is about to swoop in despite having been completely MIA since October when this nightmare began. I feel so far from those I’m supposed to be taking solace from/with. This journey is IMPOSSIBLE.
Sorry - realise this is simply one long rant. My Mum is super important to me and despite having my own family, I feel decimated by the thought of a future without her.
Hi and welcome to the Online Community, although I am so sorry to see the circumstance that brought you here and so sorry to hear about your mum.
A cancer diagnosis can bring a lot of stress on a family but talking with people who are on the same journey will help a lot.
We have these forums where you can connect with others supporting family and friends through their cancer journey: Carers Forum and Friends and Family Forum and Supporting someone with incurable cancer
Follow the link and join the group. To do this hit the ‘Join the Group’ tab just under the main group name. At this point go to the right on the group home page and select how you want to receive email notifications when someone answers your posts. If in the future you don’t want to receive notifications just switch off the email notifications tab.
The best way to get support is to go to the 'Start a Discussion' tab just under the main group name. Set up your own Discussion and Introduce yourself to the group - you could just copy an paste what you have in this first post.
Have a look through our various Macmillan Support Line Services then call them on 0808 808 00 00 to be very helpful covering Emotional Support and Practical Information. Clinical Information and Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00 but check the link.
We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’section where you can post questions to our mostly Volunteer Experts but please allow 2 working days to get a reply.
We also have our Online Information and Support Sectionwhere you will find some great pages covering the cancer diagnosis, treatment and information pages covering most types of cancers.
Talking to people face to face can help a lot so check to see if you have a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.
It is worth putting some information in your profile. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself.
To do this click on YOUR username, look to the left and select 'Edit Profile'. Put as much or as little in your profile and you can amend it at any time - REMEMBER hit the big green SAVE before you leave the page. If you're not sure what to write you can take a look at any members profiles by clicking on their username.
All the best.
