Advice on telling family

FormerMember over 5 years ago

1 reply
30 subscribers
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Hi,

My dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer yesterday so this is all very new to me.

My brother is on holiday at the moment - he knew we were getting the results yesterday and messaged both me and my dad asking how it went. My dad wants to tell him in person and didn't want to spoil his holiday, so he let him know that it is cancer (but not how bad it is) and that they'll discuss when he gets back in two days.

My mum is being insistent about contacting my brother herself (my parents are separated and don't speak) but I don't want her to. Am I being unreasonable? Is she right to want to tell him? I just think my dad should have control over how he finds out.

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

FormerMember over 5 years ago

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. You must be reeling. And now you have this dilemma.

My gut reaction is that the only person with any right to dictate how and to whom the sad news is broken is your dad. He is the one who’s had the diagnosis and he’s the one who should call the shots on this. So I would say no, you are not being unreasonable at all as it’s your dad’s wishes.

The dilemma might be how to make this clear to your mum without the family falling out.

Mine is only one perspective though. It might be worth asking the folks in our family and friends group what they think. Try this link, join the group and start a discussion

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/being_a_relative_/

Good luck!