new here & looking for support to cope as the spouse of a kidney cancer sufferer

Hi and a warm welcome to the online community

It must have been very upsetting for you and your wife to discover that her kidney cancer has spread and that although treatable is not curable.

We have various secondary cancer groups which you could join to connect with people in similar circumstances if you feel able to tell us what type of secondary cancer your wife has.

A group to help and support you when you're feeling low and lonely would be the carers group, which is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and get support. 

To join the group just click on the link I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself by selecting 'start a discussion' and respond to existing posts by clicking on 'reply'.

When you feel up to it, it would be really useful if could pop something about your wife's journey so far into your profile as it helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

Sending a supportive ((hug))

Hi

I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I’ve been living with treatable but not curable cancer for three years now and your comment about feeling low and lonely despite being surrounded by friends and family certainly rings true with me. I hope you’ll find that you’re not alone and that there are people here who really do get it. 

I’m a member of the group living with incurable cancer. We help each other to stay positive with threads such as three good things where we list three things from the day that were, to state the obvious, good. That can be as simple as a nice cup of tea or as momentous as the arrival of a new grandchild. There are other practical discussions about clinical trials, benefits, travel insurance and yes, cries for help at those times we all have when it just gets too much. Maybe your wife works like to have a look? 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/living_with_incurable_cancer/

There is also a group supporting someone living with incurable cancer that might be helpful for you.

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/nearing_the_end/

As for advice, I think the best I can say is “stay in the day”. Today the sun was shining, I met a friend for coffee and I had spaghetti bolognese for supper. I didn’t spend a lot of time fretting about tomorrow. I know that is easy to say and hard to do. But honestly, it’s worth trying.