Hello,
I finished my treatment for bowel cancer about 4 weeks ago, now waiting for my scan in a few weeks. I really think I have coped well with major surgery in December and then my chemotherapy. Felt another hurdle overcome when my treatment finished and felt quite elated even though I haven't had my scan yet. Wow, I've come crashing down in the last week, I feel so alone even though I have the most amazing support network of family and friends. I constantly dream I'm on a train station platform in a place I don't know, with no luggage and i don't know whether to turn left or right I am just lost. Everyone keeps congratulating me on finishing treatment saying how well I look and I just want to punch them in the face ( which is awful I know). I'm starting to feel like I've lost 'me' for good and that I'll never come back and I'll have a lump in my throat (which is there all the time just now) for the rest of my life . I didn't even feel this sad and low when I was diagnosed, how ridiculous is that ? I just put on a smiley face with everyone and say I'm ok when they ask but I can't say I'm ok anymore, I've ran out of energy and the will to keep pretending, but then i don't want the sympathetic looks and calls to check I'm ok all the time, it drives me nuts but then I beat myself up because I know people mean well and they don't know what to say. This cancer thing really does take you to places in your mind you didn't think existed, or were determined to not go to, just unknown and hostile territory. It's just absolutely awful. All of it.
Hi and welcome to the Online Community, although I am so sorry to see the circumstance that brought you here and so sorry to hear that you are experiencing the post treatment challenges that a lot of us can understand well.
During my 20 years with my Lymphoma I was always very open, truthful and a spade was a spade when folks would say "your looking great"....... but inside I was still suffering and struggling to get my brain in gear. But my honesty helped me to navigate the post treatment part of the marathon.
Getting your head round this part of the cancer journey takes time and commitment. This great paper unpacks the post treatment part of cancer and is a good vehicle for change and life improvement. Make a cup of tea and have a look through the paper.
You may also find our various Macmillan Support Line Services on 0808 808 00 00 to be very helpful even if all you want to do is talk with friendly person that can help in lots of ways.
I found talking to people face to face can help a lot so check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support Groups in your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks run a very good post treatment course and general support.
We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’ section but please allow a few days to get an reply.
If you haven't yet completed your profile when you have a minute could you pop something about your journey so far into it. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine profile by clicking on my username.
All the best.
Hi and welcome to the Online Community. Great that you found the paper helpful, safe to say that most folks go into treatment seeing the end of treatment as being the start of getting back to normal. But it tends not to be the case so the paper helps you look for the mile stones as you get near the end and move on.
I call my life now to be my ‘new normal’ I actually like my ‘new normal’ as a lot of the ‘stuff’ I thought was important was actually just clogging up living life to the full. So start to plan your ‘new life’ - The things that you want to do, the things that will be top of the list.
You don’t say what type of cancer you are being treated for but you can have a look through our various support groups, this link takes you to our Cancer specific groups, we also our general Cancer experience groups.
Follow the links and join the groups. Hit the 'Start a Discussion' tab and introduce yourself to the group. Remember to go to the right on the group home page and select how you want to receive email notifications when someone answers your posts.
Talking to people face to face can help a lot so check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support Groups in your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.
You may also find our various Macmillan Support Line Services on 0808 808 00 00 to be very helpful even if all you want to do is talk with friendly person that can help in lots of ways.
We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’section but please allow a few days to get an reply.
If you haven't yet completed your profile when you have a minute could you pop something about your journey so far into it. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine profile by clicking on my username Thehighlander but my journey was rather long.
Always around to help out.
All the best.
Hi again , so good that you found the paper helpful.
You need to be kind to yourself. I often recommend some tools to help - One is a wall of ‘post-it positivity’.....it could be on the fringe, a mirror, a large sheet of paper , the back of the toilet door (someone did it on) just anywhere flat. Get a pack of yellow, pink and green post-its and a pen.
The yellow is for the negative parts of living with cancer. The pink is for all the positives that surround our lives during the journey and the green is a prize or a treat.
Put all the rubbish stuff on to the yellow post-it’s, you can use as many as you want and line them down the left hand side. For each yellow post-it make up TWO pink positive post-its and put them to the right of each yellow and if you can put two pinks you also put a green identifying a treat or prize........why a treat or prize? Why not, you are worth it.
The folks who have done this do come back and say it works.
