Mum told she has cancer today

hi

welcome to the online community, I'm sorry to hear about your mum.

At the moment you are feeling like the world is going to end, I know I did.

Truth is even though she has cancer things don't usually progress that quickly .  I had a tumour for 3 years before I even knew about it. 

Until the doctors and radiologists have completed their investigations there isn't a lot you can do or ask, they just don't know.

This is the worst time, you're all in limbo, hearing the word cancer and expecting the worst.

A problem shared is a problem halved and hopefully you may have felt some relief just from sharing here?

I would normally attempt to sign post you to other groups, there are carers groups but until you know what's what you can feel free to stay here in the new to site. 

If you want to chat you can always just drop into the breast group, there's an AWAKE thread, say I sent you 

Carolyn

xxx

Thanks for replying Carolyn

today we found out my mum has cancer in both lungs, which has spread to her lower back. She will start radiotherapy on her back and then we need to see the next step of treatment although it’s incurable. 

I know I need to be strong for my mum, I need to stop crying in front of her and we need to be happy and smile together and cherish our time together.

All i can do is cry and think negative, it all feels like a dream 

Hi Sally, this is a hard time for all the family but talking with people who understand can help.

We have these forums where you can connect with others supporting family and friends through their cancer journey: Carers Forumand Friends and Family Forumand Supporting someone with incurable cancer

Follow the link(s)and join the group(s) Hit the 'Start a Discussion' tab and introduce yourself to the group.

Remember to go to the right on the group home page and select how you want to receive email notifications when someone answers your posts.

You may also find our various Macmillan Support Line Services on 0808 808 00 00 to be very helpful even if all you want to do is talk with friendly person that can help in lots of ways.

We also have our ‘Ask an Expert’section but please allow a few days to get an reply.

Check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support Groups in your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.

All the best.

hi

it will get better, I know it feels like the end of the world and obviously she is incurable but, my mother was incurable for five years

it's okay to cry

just not all the time and gradually the crying will give way to practical needs

Thehighlander has given you some good links to follow but it might take you a few days to even think about what the next few days look like  yet alone the next months and years.

We don't deal with our own mortality very well in the UK

Have a look at Billy Connolly's Big Send Off

4:04A City For The Dead - Billy Connolly's Big Send Off - BBC

I'm not sure if that link works but have a dig around on YouTube. 

hugs

Carolyn

xxx

Hi, sorry for joining this conversation a bit late. On the 24th my nan was diagnosed with terminal cancer of the lungs + liver. I know that this may not compare to a mother daughter bond but we are very close. I used to have to hold back tears constantly and as she did not want a time frame it certainly made it feel like every moment would be her last. I do not know if you’ve discussed a time frame or treatment yet, but it was so heart breaking to see her shaved head for the first time.  Chemotherapy has done wonders for her along with CBD pills. She had lost a stone from stress with the diagnosis and was already a frail woman at 6.9 stone, but I truly believe CBD pills had saved her life. They help her eat tremendously and relieve lots of the pain. We recently had gotten the best news we could hope for and that she does not need any more treatment for the next 3 months as the chemotherapy has held the cancer from spreading further. What I’m trying to say is, you have no idea what the future will hold, and sometimes that’s a good thing. Your mum could be okay for months to come and I suggest you spend as much time as possible with her and try to come together as family. The next few months will be hard but I can assure you they will get better as you joke about bobble hats and her happy pills, it’s just adjusting to a new normal :)  I truly hope your mum will be able to get the best treatment possible and I will make sure to keep you in my thoughts x 

much love,

Saf 

Hi Saf

I did think about the CPD oil, I didn't know you could get it in pill form but I haven't had much time to do my research, my concern would be it would affect the chemo when and if she takes it. did they give any side affect, I know the chemo would have anyway so maybe it would disguise it.

we haven't had a time scale yet, the hospital will do a biopsy this week to see how aggressive the cancer is, what type of cancer it is and create a treatment plan, they have been brilliant.

I had to come to work today and tell my boss, I broke down. It just suddenly comes out, cant control it which I know is to be expected. but I need to keep my strength up so I can take care of mum.

the difference in her now compared to last week before we took her to the hospital is amazing, she even managed to walk down a flight of stairs and then do the moonwalk at the bottom, shes not lost her strength or sense of humour anyway!!