Hi everyone,
I am looking for some help and advice about visiting a relative with cancer, (whom I will call Pat). I would like to go and visit her, and rang the care home she is in for respite care this morning and checked that she was happy to have a visitor. The lady who answered the phone went and asked her and Pat said that it would be lovely to see me. I told my mum (who is her cousin) that I was going to visit, but my mum told me that Pat does not want any visitors. She had been told this by her Pat's best friend who is a regular visitor. The friend has told my mum that Pat is getting muddled with having medication and just is not her self any more. She is confused as to who is who and evidently had said before she got like this that if she got really bad that she would not want people to see her like that. She would like people to remember her how she was. I am very confused about what to do. I feel like I will not get another chance to see her. I am not sure if she really has said this, and I have already asked the care home to tell her I am going. My mum does not want me to go but I really want to go. Any advice please? Thanks.
Hi
I can see your dilemma but when I read your post I had a strong gut reaction. Just go! If Pat is confused then she won’t know you and likely no harm done. You won’t be shocked because you know this might happen. If she’s lucid then she will know you and you will bring a little bit of sunshine into her life. There’s a time to stop thinking and start doing. In my humble opinion
xx
Good morning , I am with my friend , just go.
The long months I had in hospital my view changed like the wind with regards to having visitors but I was always pleased to see family and in some circumstances old best friends.
If the YES is stronger than the NO you go with the YES xx
Dear Highlander and daloni,
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. You helped me to reach a decision. I visited Pat yesterday. She was pleased to see me and was actually brighter than I had been expecting, although having to use a lot of energy to concentrate and reply to me. I was so pleased that I went to see her and the information that my mum had given me about her not wanting visitors did not seem to worry her. I am so glad I went. Thank you very much.
xx
Great and well done, it did you both some good.
Hi
I am so pleased to hear that you went and that Pat was pleased to see you. Thank you for taking the time to let us know.
Xx
Whatever cancer throws your way, we’re right there with you.
We’re here to provide physical, financial and emotional support.
© Macmillan Cancer Support 2025 © Macmillan Cancer Support, registered charity in England and Wales (261017), Scotland (SC039907) and the Isle of Man (604). Also operating in Northern Ireland. A company limited by guarantee, registered in England and Wales company number 2400969. Isle of Man company number 4694F. Registered office: 3rd Floor, Bronze Building, The Forge, 105 Sumner Street, London, SE1 9HZ. VAT no: 668265007