New, help please

Hi

I am so sad to hear about your sister. You sound devastated and by the timing of your post, it looks like you might be struggling to sleep. 

I’m not facing something similar as I am the one in my family with the broken hearted sisters as I am living with incurable cancer. But perhaps my perspective might be helpful? 

First of all, there’s a difference between terminal (where there’s no treatment) and incurable but treatable. I’ve been living with incurable but treatable cancer for three years now. I’ve had lots of treatment in that time but also lived lots of life. I hope your sister is in the incurable but treatable category and that you find things aren’t as bleak as they might feel right now. 

My sisters mean the world to me and they each support me in different ways. One is very practical and does jobs like cutting the grass when I’m not strong enough. Another is great at coming to hospital with me and cheering me up. Admittedly one is completely useless too but that’s another story.

You know what kind of sister you are. Play to your strengths. It can help if, instead of saying “I’m here for you” or “let me know if there’s anything I can do to help”, you make specific offers. She might not accept - maintaining control and being “brave” is something people in my situation are prone to - but that’s ok.

Remember that your sister will be struggling with a lot of difficult feelings.  She might be afraid and angry. She might also be worried about upsetting you. I found it most helpful when my sisters just listened and didn’t try to fix me. She might need treating with kid gloves for a while but equally she might prefer you to carry on as normal. You know her best. 

Mine is only one perspective and I hope you’ll find others here. This community is organised into groups so that you can easily find others in a similar situation. I think it might help to join the family and friends or emotional issues. 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/being_a_relative_/

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/emotional_issues/

There is some useful information over on the main website about coping when someone close to you has cancer 

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/coping/your-emotions/someone-close-has-cancer

My very best wishes to you and your sister. I can imagine that you feel as though your world has been blown apart.  It kind of has - but also life does somehow go on. This feeling won’t last forever and I hope you’ll find a way to have some fun and celebrate the joy of sisterhood in the comimv weeks, months and maybe years. 

Xxx

Welcome to the online community and I am sorry that the news on your sister has brought you to this place that no one ever wants to visit but I am so pleased that you've reached out to us and I hope that we can be of help and support to you at this time.

Knowing what to say and do at this is very difficult and we understand this and we will try to give all the help and support you need and to do this I would suggest that you may benefit from joining some of our groups.

Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum group

Family and friends forum group

Carers only forum Group

If your sister was to join us she could join

Living with incurable cancer forum - patients only group which is only for the person in that situation.

We do have other groups dealing with specific cancer types but unfortunately not knowing anymore about your sister I can't at this time direct you to these groups.

No matter which group(s) you decide to join you'll be made very welcome by all the very friendly members who unfortunately know how you are feeling as they have or are facing the same dilemma as you are just now and will share with you their experiences and give advice if asked.

If when you decide to join the groups you take the opportunity to add something in your profile page just a little bit about you and your sister as this helps the other members to know what brought you us and saves repeating your story every time you post.

One thing you should know at this time now that you have become a part of the online community you are not alone in this journey the Mac family will be on hand at any time you need help, support and advice and are also here to answer any questions you may have and our motto is "there is no such thing as a daft question, only the one never asked" if you're thinking it, ask it one of the members will probably will have the answer you are looking for.

I do hope you will come and join one or more of the groups and we can start to be of help to you.

Ian

By clicking on any of the green text above will open up new pages for you and enable you to join any group you want by simply when the page opens clicking on join this group then clicking on start a discussion and you now ready to reach out to the members 

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