The room has worked well for me having vent.
I' m wondering if it will do the same. It is not vent as such. I don't really know what it. I am just writing. Codfish said to park things here and I like that way of thinking about things. I can't just put this aside but if it could be less that would be good.
I would like to say that I 'm not a grieving relative in the same way as many are, that would be my Mum. Time has passed. Eric's death does still haunt me.
The covid inquiry is the news. I keep thinking about my Mum (now deceased) and her partner of 20 years, Eric. Eric moved to a care home about three months before covid hit. Eric had a range of needs, complex pre-exsiting mental health issues , was virtually blind (macular degeneration) and at the end of life lewy body dementia. He also had a good portion of one lung missing. Mum and Eric were in their late 70's at the time.
Eric got covid and died during the first wave that hit the care homes. It was just horrific. No-one could be with him, there was struggle to get pain relief to him due to supplies coming in and lack qualified staff to administer it . Moving to hospital wasn't an option for him and the conditions in which everyone was working in at that time is well documented.
Mum had moved into a flat and was living independently on her own. As well as her age, she had a pre-existing conditions We had the phone and video call and that was it. Again, I don't feel I need to explain because these experiences are well documented.
When i go back to those times thinking about Eric and Mum, it remains raw, the horror of it and those times.
I don't really know how to express myself about what I feel about the government of the time without sounding political or just raging. I do have some nuance.
On some things I don't, anger remains, a sense of injustice and I think that they have blood on their hands. This is a big thing to say but there it is.
