Am I ill or depressed? Do I care?

Good morning Sledge,  I am so sorry you are feeling like this.  It is very hard and I have days like this too.  If you love your job then stay in it as long as possible.  Even though you are feeling so low, I have seen your post on another forum and you are helping and encouraging other people.  For this I admire you.  I feel fobbed off by oncology most of the time and have only seen my oncologist once and another time it was his junior who totally fobbed me off.  I have questions too and am going to make sure I am heard on my next appointment on 28 May.  I give a crap and so does everyone on here.  Sending you hugs.

Lee 2 x

Hi 

I am so sorry you are suffering and not getting the support you needed from the hospital. Could seek a second opinion somewhere else? Maybe another cancer centre? I feel there is no point carrying on with a team that you have no trust in. 

You are suffering significantly physically that will also impact you mentally. The regime you are on still need some adjustment. It can take a few cycles to get there though. I think maybe to get the right team and the right regime is really what’s you needed right now.

It took 6 cycles for me to get the balance right as the oncologist wants to give the patient max dose. It took me sometime to get used to the situation and learn to live the best i can along with cancer. Overtime, you will get there too. 

Hope you have a relaxing weekend and enjoy the sun x

Hi Eddie 

Glad to hear that you are ok.

I went shopping for a new suit for my son. He will be attending an extended family wedding on my behalf, with his Dad, in August. I needed to get his clothes sorted before he heads back to Uni. 

We then went for lunch at the Harvester. I'm finding food and drink a challenge these days, so I managed prawns for a starter and picked at the main. Treated my husband to drink and offered to drive.

Just got back and I'm crashing on the sofa for the rest of the afternoon. Some aspects of walking were a bit rough, so I'm taking the hint my body is giving out.

Sledge x

Thanks Lee

Take a big hug  from me.

It appears we are in similar situations, but please persevere. It makes no sense to drift in limbo. These people are meant to collaborate with us and addressing our questions helps with our mental wellbeing.

Sledge x 

Hi Stella 

Thanks for your thoughts. I have already started pursuing an alternative Oncologist and I've made it clear about what I need. So I need to give them a chance to judge the outcome.

I appreciate I am still in early stages of treatment, but my issue is that the response to changes are too slow, so adjustments take too long, monitoring is insufficient to establish a workable way forward. When we are in palliative care the medical team should be working with us in a timely fashion to bring us as close to normalcy as possible. (Yes I know I have high expectations ).

I'm going to crash for awhile and then I am going to sit in my garden to enjoy my Cherry  tree and azaleas. I'll post pictures in the Garden section tomorrow. 

Lots of  

Sledge x 

This happens to me to. The consultant runs late, so we wait 2+ hours then only get to see the registrar for 5 minutes. Am I being treated with respect? Hmmm

Hi, Sledge, please don't give up on the chance of getting to the family wedding, nothing is certain at this time my friend, and surely having such a lovely event to look forward too, can only help you.

It's great you got out with your son though, hopefully your sharing the fab weather, but do you share the same taste in suit's, and had dinner at the Harvester, our nearest one is Chesterfield, which we like, but we prefer the Treble Bob in Barlborough where one of my friends lives, she took me to Welbeck with another friend today, soup for me again, Sledge I have dysphagia level 5, lots of Bowel issues and often no appetite, just eat what you feel like you can manage, I do hope you've mentioned to your doctor your eating issues, did hubby take you up on your kind offer?.

It's a bugger when you can't walk like you once could, especially when it was an important part of your life, I can manage 10 to15 minutes 4mon a good day, 3 years ago I could walk all day, I'm just grateful I can still walk enough to get out, we may be fighting a losing battle, but we should never stop fighting 

Eddie xx 

Hi Eddie 

Politics in my extended family makes attending an issue. Not sure I want to go. I would have to make an outfit. Buying one is not possible. Would have to wear a wig and I can't be upright all day.

My lungs mets have now limited me on how much I can actually move around. I do plan to visit my mum for the weekend but attending is way too much.

My son has good taste, so I don't worry too much. Paul (my better half) and I always have final say. I've always taught him to dress for the occasion, so he knows what I find as acceptable.

Yes Paul took to the opportunity to have a couple of Bicardi & cokes. Unfortunately I can't drink anything carbonated. I've tried a couple of times but failed. So squash or water are my only option. I have previously tried red wine but I didn't enjoy it. I haven't tried white wine yet, but I am tempted.

Although I have mentioned my appetite being limited I don't usually get much in the way of support from the hospital. I find eating a challenge. I tend to eat something very small in the evening so that I can eat my meds. I will talk about this when I have changed my oncologist.

As far as walking goes, I am barely getting much done. Housework has become a challenge. Although my husband helps, I prefer to do things myself. Slowly but surely. I do one thing per day and then crash on the sofa for the rest of the day. Ahhh Bliss.

Sledge x

Morning Sledge, family politics are such a pain, thankfully reserved to one of my  partners sons only, and I truly emphasise with the physical problems you contend with, but I would be focusing on reasons to  go, and hope the challenges of going didn't stop me, maybe going to the wedding will be too much my friend, but what if you were feeling physically up to going on the day, and weren't prepared.

Good to hear you'll be visiting your mum, that's great you still have her in your life, and I hope she's doing well.

I wonder where your sons good dress taste comes from, I too believe it's  important to dress right when appropriate, though I  think its something I  was brought up to do as well.

Awww, Sledge, the limitations this bloody disease puts on us, it's caffeine free tea and water, preferably warm, for me, though I occasionally have a btl of beer and bugger the consequences, why not try a little white wine, 

Are your eating problems, difficulty with swallowing, loss of appetite, or problems some foods can cause, down the line so to speak, l have these, not feeling hungry is not uncommon, but like them all there is advice and support out there, I was a grazer for some time, little and often, now I can have 1 meal a day, sometimes, but have to be careful what I eat, I start and end the day with a little fruit and yoghurt, good to hear your going to talk to your new oncologist about it.

Missing your walks is hard, and the new realities of life, but we can only do what we can, with long rests in-between, I don't/can't do housework any more, but I have a sister in law who's a professional nal cleaner who used to do mine, before I moved home a few weeks ago and in return I would take her for any appointments she had, my partner who I've recently moved in with loves housework, so happy days,  sofa time is fab,

love Eddie and Sheila xx 

Hi Eddie 

My eating problems are all you mentioned above. I'm out at Tesco's and picked up some protein shakes, as they may help.

My favourite hobby is driving my car. I love driving and it gives me greatest of pleasure. There will come a time I will miss it.

I'm currently out getting more meds and lunch for the family.

Love

Sledge x