Messing with my head!

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Hi everyone

I know that I’ve been quiet for quite some time. For those of you who don’t know me, I was misdiagnosed in 2022 with secondary liver cancer from bowel. December 2023, I was told I had bile duct cancer. I decided against treatment and sought a second opinion. The professor who I consulted agreed that it was too early to start treatment. In May this year I was told that my lung nodules were stable. This called into question which cancer it was. I convinced myself that maybe it was just nodules. On Monday this week, I learned that the cancer is back in my liver, and there is progression in my lung. I have an oncologist appointment tomorrow, which was booked months ago. I’m feeling disappointed and annoyed. I quit my volunteer position at a charity shop, and joined a dog rescue charity in the last few weeks. I lost one of my dogs to cancer in May, and am in the middle of a divorce. My anger is focused on “why now”? I’m tired as I haven’t slept properly since I lost my dog. Sorry if that sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself. My sister is currently going through chemo for her second cancer, and my father in law has bladder cancer! What the gell is going on?!!

  • I’m sorry to hear you  have had bad news and also I feel for you with losing your dog they anre  our constant friend always there . Your feeling of why now I’m sure is felt by many on here I am struggling with the plans we had made . We bought a house to move into a smaller more manageable place but I wont be going there I have lived in my present house for 24 years and want to stay here . My thoughts are with you and  good luck with your appointment. Best wishes Chris x 

  • Oh Jools So sorry to read this you are seriously going through the wars and we are all here for you. Losing a pet is like losing a family member . My mate said he was more upset about Steve his 17 year old cat than when his granny died.  There never is a right or wrong time it just comes unfortunately  when it comes and is out of our hands. I can say try and look at the situation another way and It can be quite inspiring and positive sometimes I found  from experience . You are seeing the oncologist and they are going to get to the bottom of things and you will be offered a treatment plan hopefully. Regarding Divorce I came home from my first scan after a gruelling chemo and radio treatment only for my partner of over 30 years to announce that she didn't want to be with me anymore. My advice is try and keep everything  thing as amicable as possible as makes for a quick separation and peaceful life as best as possible. All the best Minmax 

  • I’m sorry you’re struggling with the plans you had made. It’s so important for all of us to be comfortable and confident in where we live. 

  • I can’t believe anyone would be so callous as to call time on a relationship at such a difficult time in your life. I’m lucky. We’ve been separated for over three years, and it just felt like a natural progression. We don’t plan on selling our house, as we were fortunate enough to have an outbuilding that was converted to an annex. We still walk our remaining dog together occasionally, and he cooks for us regularly. I hope your treatment is, or has gone well.

  • Well my perception of people was broadened when I met this lovely woman at the cancer centre and we got chatting and she was getting her blood done and needed to pick up a prescription etc . I told her the best way to do it and we arranged to met in a bit and we went for a lovely lunch and chatting for about 4 hours or more. All was fine as far as I was concerned but we went to a shop and I waited outside for over half an hour and she just disappeared , I was gutted , Boy did my kids laugh especially as I paid for this lovely Indian meal , Hey ho takes all sorts to make the world up . All the Best Minmax 

  • Blimey what a charmer! I can’t believe how awful some people are. I suppose just she was at a cancer centr, it doesn’t mean she was a nice person. I hope you have better luck in the future.

  • Hi Jools63 Well it's not from the lack of trying lol . The majority of people are good and she did mention they were changing her medication which  gives her mood swings so one never knows what's going on in her head , Gave my kids a laugh . All the Best Minmax 

  • Hello Jools

    So sorry to read your post. I had been aware you hadn't posted for a while.

    How did your appointment with the oncologist go today? Any better news?

    You mustn't apologise for being angry....there is nothing wrong with being angry, and it is important to express it! Better than bottling it up. You do have a lot going on!

    I hope you are feeling better since you posted.

    Sending you a virtual hug!

    Kate

  • Thanks for your message Kate. My appointment was a bit of a waste of time! They still aren’t able to determine which cancer I have. The scan details couldn’t be loaded, so they weren’t able to see hKissing heart big the lung nodules are, or how much they’d grown. Next step is MDT next Tuesday, where they’ll discuss which area to biopsy. After that, they’ll offer treatment relevant to that. The oncologist dKissing heart say that it is unusual as I’ve had two different types of cancer. I’m going to try and stay positive, and at least I will have time to do some of the things I want to do before I start treatment. HKissing heart are you doing?Kissing heart

  • Jools63 As infuriating as it is you have to stay positive with  the right attitude I found . At some stages I have thought is this a wind up or what waiting on results etc . I was told over the phone I had cancer after having every test possible. I saw a clinical psychologist on Friday and He asked me how I coped . I was explaining about the waiting of the scan results etc and the emperor in the colosseum with the thumbs up and down bit , But I said to him there is somebody much worse off than I am and that I am Blessed to be even here and boy am I going to try and enjoy it . All the Best Minmax