Facing reality.

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Some thoughts:

I was diagnosed on the 20th January 2023. I feel scared every time I think about it. How can I face reality and deal with it?

Every day brings a reminder. Every day seems to have a cancer related appointment or letter or phone call. 

I am not pragmatic. I am a realist. I am on anxiety meds, I have been taking them for 4 1/2 weeks now.

Why is it so scary??? I don't know how to accept this.

  • Hi  

    I'm sorry to read that you feel like you are struggling. I'll tell you what HR and my manager said to me at my attendance meetings when I was becoming upset. We'd be worried if you weren't emotional talking about cancer. It is very early days for you and you have not had time to process it yet. You have also been poorly and you will have lost strength from that plus the weight loss. It has taken me a long time to accept the words which were said to me at my bad news/stage 4 appointment - that I will die from this and it will shorten my life. For a long time those words haunted me.  I'll be honest, I'm scared that it will return even more aggressive and vigorous and that I will go quick but I can't waste what time I have left by worrying. You're scared because it is scary, it takes a long time to be able to accept your own mortality. Everyone knows they will die at some point but we don't face that until we get diagnosed like we have. Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself time. Everyone in this group knows how you feel because we have all felt the same at some point.

    Would you consider counselling? It helped me. Do you have a Maggie's centre near you, they offer a lot of services. Can you talk to your CNS/specialist nurse, she may be able to refer you to counselling or therapies. The Macmillan lines are very good, this is the link to contact them 


    Don't worry about being scared, it's natural and we've all been there. Keep posting here and letting us know how you're doing. Take care Lucy,

    A x

    What is a Community Champion?

    I am a Macmillan volunteer. 

    Macmillan Support Helpline

    0808 808 00 00 

    7 days a week between 8am -8pm

  • Hi Lucy you were diagnosed on my birthday. I was diagnosed incurable 3 &1/2 years ago. For the first 12 months I couldn't say cancer without bursting into tears. I started to dance like a wild thing, walk all over the house, it was in the lock down. Gradually I learnt to live with it, but its always at the back of my mind. I try to keep busy,  still get the odd down periods. I think it would do you good tp talk to Macmillan they give very good advice, maybe a little  counciling would help. Reiki has helped me, just totally relaxes me. Do talk about how you feel, it is very early days for you. Im sending hug and good vibes xx


  • Dear Lucy, I hope you’ve had a chance to read the replies from Sistermoon and Moi2.  Like them, I’d like to suggest counselling - Reading your profile, you’ve been on a dreadful rollercoaster for the past few months and it may help to talk with someone.  Does your hospital offer any complementary treatments? I sincerely wish you all the best and don’t be hard on yourself, you are going through a lot. Sending you a virtual hug xxxxxx.

  • Hi Lucy

    So sorry you are feeling this way. I think it’s scary because we have no control. We don’t know where and when the cancer will spread, how much pain we will be in, how long we have before we can’t have any independence. Well I think that’s it for me anyway. And it’s the thought that this is it, it’s unlikely to get a lot better and we have to accept it. It’s very hard . I think it gets a little easier once you are in a routine and have been on the plan for a while. The appointments become fewer and you can begin to get a bit of life back. I was diagnosed in October so am a little way further down the road and now have two moths of meds so won’t need that blood test. 

    Are the anti anxiety meds helping? My husband takes them and has found that they work and he can now sleep. 
    Sending you a big hug Lucy 

    Jac x

  • Lucy I felt exactly the same as you. I think we all have. I'm on anxiety meds also .my lovely nurse gave me something to help me.sleep as I was a total mess. I went days without sleep as my Brain cudnt fit anything else in apart from those words I got told. It does get easier to live with.as we have no other choice. Just make some nice plans I take myself away on coach breaks for few days.jusy little old me by meslf but it makes me feels human and in control as no1 nos my story. So maybe you cud do that or even day trips Just to get your mind focused on something. Keep doin your normal day today things. I've changed nothing apart from leaving work. Sending hugs xx

  • It all went very fast when I got large tumour ànd right kid tacken out . It was a real sho ck to me as went in with sore back to be told  couple of hours later I had cancer.  That was back in February  before frst lockdown.. Please give yourself time 

  • Yes, give yourself time Lucy. Things will settle and you'll come to terms with it in your own way. It's an overwhelming tide at first, but that will pass. Big hugs from Rainie x

  • Dear Lucy,

    I too recieved my terminal diagnosis on the 20th January 2023. It makes me cry to think on this day so many lives were changed. I am scared too, i have days of depression anger and sadness. The only thing that has helped me deal with it all is being prepared. The anxiety, worry and anger is all being kept at bay by a checklist. I made a checklist of all the things i need to do to make sure my affairs are in order so i can spend the rest of my time enjoying my life with my loved ones. I feel if i put my head in the sand i will regret it. I also feel it helps talking about it with others, not friends or family but relative strangers. I have joined a maggies support group.