Accepting prognosis.

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I have accepted that my prognosis is correct, that my cervical cancer is terminal, incurable and that I may have up to 2 years left. I may have a lot more than this, who knows. I have even made a bucket list of things to do before I pop my clogs, ticked one off already - my first flight abroad.

However it seems one or two of my friends are unable to accept it and frequently accuse me of being negative. It has occured to me though, that maybe its my own fault, as they see I appear and look quite well, not in any pain yet and able to carry on with everyday tasks within reason and still enjoy life at 80, without moaning about my lot. I don't want to bore people with it and there is always somebody worse off than me..

 What they don't see is what's inside my head, my reluctance to look and plan things too far ahead  and worrying how I'll cope when I find the cancer has spread elsewhere as it surely will.. I get round my fears by constantly joking about clog popping and still get accused of being negative.  Even If I mention any of those fears they cheerfully say "don't be so negative, you've got ages yet" plus "well. we all have to die someday. I could get run over by a bus next week"  etc.   I suppose it is hard for people to understand when it's not happening to them, so I just accept their comments.

Luckily my family understand and know the score and that's all that really matters..  Rant over - for now!

  • Hi Nan3942

    i completely understand what your saying, the is a difference between being negative and being accepting. I like you have accepted my diagnosis and get in with things, if I’m asked I say what I’m feeling otherwise I just accept general stuff. I have cancer but cancer doesn’t define me.

    have a good day and I’m sending you a hug to catch xxx

  • Hi Nan

    I suspect your friends find it difficult to deal with your prognosis and that's why they are reacting this way. It's a shame as you probably need their support now more than ever.

    I've recently been given a prognosis of 18-24 months. I'm 68 with advanced lung cancer and my husband is 78 with advanced prostate cancer. He is hanging in there for me. I have talked with friends about whether to have treatment or whether we should go to Switzerland when things start looking bad. Some see it as giving up and may even see it as weakness. Personally I think it is being realistic and brave. I think I'll not talk with those friends about it.

    Take care.

  • Hi Nan3942, yes it's hard for people to except what we have to except. I have dropped quit a few people because I don't need or want there comments. I could cheerfully scream when they say " you look so well,  you don't look ill". I've got to the point I just give a knowing look shake my head and walk away.  I've excepted my time is limited and intend to enjoy time I have left. I was given 12 to 18 months 3 years ago, I'm still here doing  my thing xx

    Moi

  • Thanks so much for replying and you are so right.

    Ann

  • I agree with you completely and it's definitely not a weakness to consider Switzerland if things get unbearable as it's crossed my mind too.

    Ann

  • Glad it's not just me who feels this way. I feel privileged to have got to 80, cancer or not. but still intend to enjoy what life is left. Glad you are still doing your thing Moi. All the best x

    Ann..

  • Hi , if there's anything I hate it's being told by people who say they might get run over by a bus tomorrow or they could die next week because to me, they aren't giving me any support and I'll say something like well, I wonder would you say the same if you had an incurable cancer, something like what I have, incurable bone marrow cancer where I won't know when my bone marrow cancer is going to turn into an aggressive leukaemia. Or like some of my friends with lung cancer who struggle to breathe some days or my good friend who has skin cancer and struggles to walk as well. That would make them slump shoulders and put their tails between their legs. 

    But Nan, if you accept your prognosis you will be gloriously happy if you're still going strong in 2 years time and there's a very very good chance of that when a trial drug can be found that gives you a lifeline for extra time. Not just that, your present treatment could well extend your life.

    I was diagnosed when I was 57 and I set about doing things that gave me joy. Simple things like going to a Liverpool home game, attending the Sports personality of the year show, going to the Eden Project and Kew Gardens and visiting my daughter and son in Peterborough and Aberdeen respectively. Just everyday events like that but coming from Northern Ireland there is a small matter of catching a flight every time that adds to the cost.

    Nan, enjoy your bucket list but keep a flame of hope at the back of your mind.

    Tvman xx 

    Love life and family.
  • It's a tough one, it's good to have this place to rant isn't it? 

    It is hard when you have had a difficult diagnosis and managed to come to a place of acceptance to deal with crass and flippant comments about buses tomorrow.

    I suppose we have had to think about accepting this, and others haven't had to, or don't want to face it. I am glad that your family get it. With the others it depends whether you have the energy or desire to challenge them, and whether they are worth the effort.

    Best wishes with your bucket list! 

    Sarah 

  • Thank you so much Tvman. I suppose people mean well and find it hard to deal with and end up saying meaningless platitudes. I'm feeling a bit grumpy this week as have had a nasty cough and cold, thankfully not covid, but I haven't been my usual tolerant self!.