Had enough?

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I think I have got to the point where I can no longer fight. There is no treatment, and I am now experiencing pain most of the time. My weight has plummeted. I have tried so hard, it's been three years of constant fighting. My poor parents have also now to deal with my brother who has heart problems. I can't help but think that everyone could move on if I was no longer here. I don't want to die, I would give almost anything to have my old life back. My partner is trying but there is no handbook for this is there? I have had a lovely life for which I am thankful, I just wanted more of it. Hopefully now I have written this I may feel less low, I don't want to be a misery guts. Xx

  • You are not a misery guts. You are struggling, we understand because we all struggle and many of us wonder if the fight is worth it. Do you have a pain management team you can speak to? Or a cancer nurse specialist who can get you more help with the pain. Being in constant pain is the worst part of all of this.  Hope you can get some more help with the pain.  


    be safe, be nice, be you 

  • 'I have had a lovely life for which I am thankful'....quote,  and if that is from the heart then in speaks volumes. How many Years do you want ?. In my 60, I expected 80+. My parents lived to 97:and 85. There's no guarantee is there! Its just that we got a raw deal. I think many of us have done or still have feelings like you have. I did and still do but less raw. Do you feel a burden?...its not your fault!.

  • I am sorry that you are finding things so difficult, I hope that posting about it helps.

    Are you asking for more help with the pain? It certainly sounds as if you need more help there.

    I am in very little discomfort, but I have had the thoughts that it might be easier for everyone if I was no longer here for them to worry about and to enable them to move on with their lives. I think it is quite normal, but it is not really useful and I'm certainly careful who I say such things to outside of this forum.

    I hope that you are able to find a balance, and to have some more lovely times.

    Love and best wishes 


  • I think we all have those feelings that we're a burden and it would be better for our families if we died and allowed them to move on. I thought I'd be gone by now, and in the early hours of the morning, these are the thoughts that occupy me most.

    Of course they are ridiculous, and if I even hint at such a thing in Debbie's earshot, she becomes angry and upset. It will not be easier for them in any way when we are gone. Try not to even think about it.

    As for lack of treatment and increasing pain, that is exactly what the local palliative care team are there for. Get yourself an immediate referral. These teams are brilliant and truly a breath of fresh air after dealing with oncologists, who only care about their literature and mixing up their poisons.

    Flowerlady, enjoy the good days, rest through the bad days, love your partner, smile at the little things, and try to savour this unique time in your life.

    We're all with you, all the way,

    Much love,

    Stuart x 

  • I'm not so good with words and wisdom...but i want you to know we are feeling with you and i send you a big hug!

  • Dear everyone, thank you. GP and Macmillan are trying to help the pain, it's a bit of trial and error at the moment which is why I felt so low. I know we all want more time, I try to think about people who have lived much shorter lives than me, and how lucky I have been. Take care my friends xx

    Flowerlady x
  • Get the pain stabilised, and everything looks brighter.

    Stuart x 

  • I sometimes think, well ive had 60 Years and people alot younger than me are nearing the end of life. B ut really its what you have done in your Years. Not the number.

  • Dear flowerlady. I'm with pet1968. sending you a big virtual hug. Hang on in there . Much love RD x