hey, hope you all doing ok of sorts today.
ive joined as im looking for some hope really I guess. two years into an incurable breast cancer diagnosis and im finding this ongoing ness of cancer all a bit much. understatement. I have two children 16 and 18 and I work part time. my treatment made me feel really tired lately and I just feel worn out and pretty fed up. what do you all do to to keep going.. my partner died 5 years ago and that makes me feel very worried for the future for my children I cant deny that. today I am an aching bucket of misery and there is no denying it.. waiting on scan results and that is all consuming and I feel I should be better at this by now but im not. im sorry to complain.
torn a tendon in my ankle and its very sore and stopping me from walking that is the thing I do to keep my head from rolling off.. need to work on accepting my diagnosis but I just dont seem to be very good at doing that. think I need to talk about some more but my children been so traumatised after their dads death 5 years and and the suddenness of his death. I feel like a ticking time bomb and as their mother I cant bear to be a source of more pain and thats how I feel. they know I have cancer with ongoing treatment. when I was diagnosed we all agreed including a family therapist who we were talking to about grief after suicide that I just said I have cancer and have carried on with treatment the whole time. two years on and im feeling the strain. they are both in better places now and I will take to them when they've done their exams this year.
I wonder how you all feel with the daily grind of carrying it. I know some days are harder than others and my inability to get out is doing my head in this last week. I want to feel more positive than I do but im struggling right now and cant seem to find a place to land and be ok with it all.
thanks for reading and sorry if its a bit soul searching and depressing.. xx I just got sent a message about harming myself by the community. I would never do that as thats what my partner did and it was horrible for everyone left behind so dont worry on that front.. x
