Hi,
Just wanted to introduce myself in case there is anyone else out there in a similar situation.
I'm 47, divorced and single, and have 4 children, ages 27, 24, 15, and 13. I also have a grandson who is 5.
I'm still employed as a Careers Advisor, but am currently on sick leave and probably won't return.
I was first diagnosed in March 2024, after severe bleeding which I mistook for crazy perimenopause symptoms (looking back it's insane to me how nonchalant I was with a HB level of 49 trying to shop at Tesco!!). I developed severe anaemia and was often in hospital having blood transfusions, over a period of 3 months.
I was eventually diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer, which I in no way was expecting or prepared for, never entered my mind at all!
I underwent chemotherapy and radiotherapy, followed by brachytherapy, during the summer of 2024.
6 months or so later a scan showed metastasised lesions on my lungs and the bone in the back of my neck. I was told with chemotherapy and immunotherapy the median survival rate was 2 years.
I have just completed 6 rounds of chemotherapy and immunotherapy and the cancer hasn't grown and looks stable. I am now just having the immunotherapy and will see what the next scan shows.
I'm mentally and physically exhausted but I have so much to be genuinely grateful for. I am strangely at peace with my life coming to an end (though how I die and the pain etc is terrifying), but it breaks my heart to leave my children without a mum, that I doubt I'll ever get okay with.
I've always wanted to be an old person, and whole-heartedly always thought I'd get to be very old (which now feels so naive, entitled and foolish) I've spent most of my life struggling with mental health problems, holding on to the thought that my life will start when I'm 60, looking forward to the freedom of all my children being fully grown and my life being my own. And now it's unlikely I'll even make 50!
I don't think I've really processed the huge shift in thinking and the way I lived and how I'm now going to live, but I'm hoping to do just that, and to make the most of what time is left, however that looks for me, and of course my kids.
And amongst all that I try to process and deal with, along with the treatment and symptoms etc, I want so desperately to help my children through this time, and don't know how to help or stop trying to support my parents and siblings as well. It just feels... a lot.
I'm blessed to be receiving counselling and I have the support from places like Dove House and Macmillan, and I'm so grateful for our NHS, but I have lost my close friends (for various reasons) and feel very alone.
I've read quite a few posts, in the hopes to find others I can relate with, and would love to be part of this lovely supportive community, but I do easily get overwhelmed with all the different threads, and various experiences, so I'm hoping I can find a couple I can contribute to.
I look forward to engaging more with some of you 
