Metastatic (Secondary) Cancer

Hi Bob.

I to would like you, both to be on the same page.

Though until you have the biopsies, this is not to be, yes it is hard.

I was incurable, with lung cancer from day one, that will be eight years, march coming up, yes i have and think myself lucky, in lots of ways, every one cancer is different, even if the same type of cancer.

The sooner the tests are dine, then hopefully both will be on the same page.

Please keep us updated, We are all on this journey together.

Hi Bob, my you've been through it. Once all tests and biopsies results back you'll have a good idea were you stand. Then you'll be able to plan. When you go to see your consultant take Wilma with you so she can hear it from his mouth. My Ray was with me (5 months before first lock down) when I received my incurable but treatable diagnosis,  it was a shock after all clear from bowel cancer,  its in lungs and  a few othere places. he's still very hopeful for me but deep down he knows it could finish me off, but it could be a bus or covid or flu, god knows I don't.  Hope you get ok results and a treatment plan. Sending good vibes and hugs xx

Moi

Thanks Moi,

Thankfully, Wilma has been by my side all through this over the past 2+ years and we stick together. I just think that hearing the dark words from the doctor brought up her defensive shields.

Bob

Hi Bob, its very hard for our loved one's to watch us suffer and they are scared of loosing us when things change. I'm so glad you and Wilma are doing this journey together. Its much easier when we support each other. But  my treatment started in lockdown so had to have treatment on my own, but I worry about him when he comes with me to hospital now. I have my treatment at home now so Ray makes tea for me and my nurse for the hour it takes. Take care and be kind to your self. xx

Moi

Hi Bob, I'm sorry to hear about your recent problems and the fact your wife, you think, is in denial! I think a lot of spouses/partners go through this because if you don't acknowledge it....it doesn't exist. However inside they are just scared. You say you were told that you were Incurable and any treatment would be for comfort or quality of life. I was told that too and when I got put on a drug trial my oncologist said it may prolong my life for 6-9 months, that is what we expected. That was ten years ago and no one knows why I am still here! So please never give up hope. Even the professionals don't know what's around the corner and new better drugs are being developed month after month. 

Hi Bawbee 

Hello Bob and a warm welcome to the group. I'm sorry you find yourself here but you will find plenty of support and understanding. I'm sorry that Wilma is in denial at present. I'm sure that this is just a frightened response and an attempt to normalise the news. As Moi2 suggested, it would be a good idea for Wilma to be at your results appointment. I have some idea of how frustrating it is for others not to take on board the information we give them. My husband is excellent and fully understands the reality of my situation. However, other family members choose to assume that because I am currently stable, I have the all clear. I correct them and try to explain but it all becomes uncomfortable because they can't handle it. So I've decided that really I'm flogging a dead horse and the only person becoming agitated is me. So I give up, I'm not in control of what others want to think. I realise Bob, that this approach is not possible with a spouse and I'm sure that Wilma will be there for you once your results are back. Give it time. Best wishes for your bronchoscopy.

A x

Hi Bob. Welcome to the group no one wants to join. I hope chatting with members helps you to navigate your cancer journey with help, advice or just simple supportive words. 
Im sorry to hear that Wilma is struggling with your diagnosis. Do you think it’s denial or could it be that she is simply scared and frustrated that she cannot do anything practical to stop this happening to you. 

Perhaps she may find some help herself by joining the Family and Friends forum. I’ve never been a spouse to a cancer sufferer . I’ve always been the one with cancer so have no real concept of what Wilma is experiencing. Perhaps talking to people in the same position as her would help. 
Wishing you both well 

Rojan

Hi Bob

The diagnostic stage is very difficult, the waiting and the uncertainty.  I've no answers but I just wanted to say hello.  I hope you are not waiting long for the biopsy and the subsequent results and after that can then move on to the next stage.    It does take time to come to terms with these situations.  I think we all realise that when we look back.