Secondary BC spread to bones and liver.

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment back. It means so much to me. 

You’ve hit on an issue that does worry me, what if the chemo doesn’t work or if they say you can’t have it. What’s next? I think of chemo in terms of extra time and I’m scared if that gets taken away. 

As long as there is a next. 

Thanks again. 

Hi its natural to worry and go through what ifs...I have a rare cancer so my experience will be different, but breast cancers are one of the most common and I expect your oncologist will be able to talk to you about the best treatment options available. When you see them write your questions down so you dont forget anything and take someone with you...a second person...as they often pick up things we miss. My first treatment did not work but second did and they will have a range of options available and monitor you closely. If you join the breast cancer forum there will be others who know more about available treatments and people with similar diagnoses. Once I started treatment my perspective changed and i felt like j was doing something positive and looked forward. I read stories of hope of others who had good treatment responses and this reassured and motivated me...I saw these stories on Facebook groups and on here....I needed support from my family and friends early on and still do...but they held me up and made me stronger...on my first chemo a lady came over to me who must have recognised it was my first time and said 'I have been coming here over several years so have hope'...that stuck with me....this is a supportive community so reach out when you need to. Have they allocated a specialist nurse? If so you could ring them about understanding treatment options better or I also ring Macmillan helpline for emotional support. It's hard at first but look for those stories of hope...x

Lots of good advice here, so I won't replicate it, but wanted to welcome you to our little gang. We're all going through different stuff, but we understand this emotional rollercoaster you've found yourself on. You are so fragile at the moment, but you will find ways to deal with it all. I've said it before, but do not let cancer control your life or set the agenda for your future. Do not write yourself off. There will be a plan. There will be treatment options. Yes, the days are precious. You will come to terms with this and begin to make the most of each one. But for now, sending you a big hug. Rainie x

Sending you a big hug too. Rainie x

What a lovely thing to say in that context. “Coming here for several years, so have hope”.

I’m really hoping the chemo works as this all came on so fast and has moved so quickly. Last month I had backache, now I’m stage bloody 4. There must be a next step of treatment of some kind. 

I think you’re right in that if I can get into the detail of the treatment plan it will make me feel better  

I will speak to my specialist nurse after this 2nd round of chemo. I’m guessing I’ll have some scans then to see what if any effect it’s having. 

You’re absolutely spot on with this Community and the support you can get just by reaching out to other people in the same boat. I have never been a fan of any kind of social networking and this is my first real dip into this ocean but I have to say, the direct responses you get really make a difference and helps a lot. 

Thanks for your message which exemplifies that.  I think it’s because this is all so personal and sharing it helps. 

Thank you Mmum I will try and take some of this advise on board. 

I get what you mean about having older children, being there with them as they have grown, I really can not imagine what it's like for parents of small chìldren. 

I had always imagined growing old with my partner looking after the grandkids and spoiling my girls as much as I could when I was older but am slowly coming to terms with its a life I can no longer live. 

x

I think setting myself some targets is a gd idea and will give me something to hold on to. 

Thank you Ramses, 

Wedding sounds like a gd idea. My partner and I have been engaged for 15 years but never got around to tying the knot ( other things always cropped up).

He and the girls are very keen for us to now but part of me does wonder what the point? 

Thank you for the advise on benefits, I have not looked into any of that yet.

Good luck for Saturday, I hope the weather nice for you whatever part of the country you are in.  x

Thank you for your words, 

I do hope with time as I come to terms with it I will become more stronger and positive.

I am scared that when I start my treatment a) it won't work.

b) the side effects are so bad I can't handle it.

You are right about reading others peoples story's can give hope.

Most days I end up crying to my partner who has been amazing but worry he's going to get fed up of me being a blubbing fool.  An old friend came and saw me today which was lovely and has lifted my mood.

x

x

Happy Rattie

I’ll tell you the point in doing it now. If you’ve been together 15 years, then you are meant to be together. So why not. 

If partner and kids are keen too, then that shows how much they care and love for you. 

Its also for them, not just for you. Let’s be honest here, when you are gone they want to remember you as a family in as purest sense of the word as they can make it. 

It’s romantic too.

And it’s something special for you. 

No one deserves cancer but we all need some happiness. 

There are some boring practical reasons too. When you’re gone it makes it so much easier for the remaining partner in terms of rights, tax, legal issues. 
For example I have a workplace pension worth a good few grand that effectively dies when i die. Even though the beneficiaries are my kids, as I have no spouse, there is no route for them get to the cash.

My other workplace pension pays a small pension for 5 years but it has to be to my spouse, not partner. 

As a spouse they get that tax free whereas as a partner, if they can get it, the full tax gets deducted. I didn’t know any of this till I got a financial advisor in to look at them for me. 

As i said, it’s also Romantic and you deserve a bit of happiness.  

Finally give all the arrangements over to the kids. They have put ours together in 2 weeks. Special licence, all the arrangements. It’s a great distraction for them. 

And it romantic and fun. Go for it and let me know you’ve said Yes to him. 

A lot of common sense here. Say yes , don't let the poor sap suffer!