Another Newbie

FormerMember over 3 years ago

25 replies
68 subscribers
2964 views

Hi,

I'm Sara. I was diagnosed Stage 3 ovarian cancer in Sep 2019 and have just started 3 rd line, weekly chemo after a bowel blockage- well I have had 5 weekly sessions, next one due Wednesday- all being ok.

I am struggling with my mental health at moment as bit fixated on death/ dying and know I need to get this back into a proportionate box. I think I have accepted a lot about what has happened and will happen, I know I won't be an old lady ( I'm 55) and I have so far had a mainly blessed life for which I am so grateful. I try to practice gratitude and I pray I'm not planning on going anytime too soon but am just really struggling with the uncertainty of the situation.

I am I guess frightened of both the death process and what happens after we die. I have read books on end of life care - including the recommended one on this site , done a little study on Christianity and Buddhist beliefs and talked to some people about their views and thoughts. I've read back through the threads on this site and seen wise words but struggle to follow the guidance about limiting thoughts. Sometimes my fear/ anxiety is overwhelming.

It's a hard individual, especially for a first chat one but - if you have managed it, how have you been able to find peace with the thought of death? I want to be able to focus on enjoying things not worrying but think in order to do this I need to address as fully as possible this issue and come to peace with it as much as I can.

I have addressed practical issues re wills etc so that is not an issue.

I also worry that in not addressing my spirituality earlier I have not provided my children with the tools to do this.

I am also on citroplan to try to reduce anxiety.

I realize this is a tough, very personal topic so thankyou for any/ all replies,

Wishing you all well and sending hope,

Sara

FormerMember over 3 years ago in reply to Rainieday

Rainieday, thanks for your message, it's good that we can all support each other and have a laugh when we can. And help others who are having a difficult time, all our experiences are better than any guidance leaflets in my opinion. I enjoy reading the posts here from some of the " Senior members" and the humour is uplifting. I hope you are keeping as well as you can. Kind regards Frank.

Rainieday over 3 years ago in reply to FormerMember

You too Frank - and I agree, I like the banter and the humour - helps make the wheels go round. Hugs. Rainie x

EG1 over 3 years ago

Hello Sara

I can really relate to your fears and anxieties. I got my incurable diagnosis a few days ago. Even though I have been living with the risk of it since last summer, the moment hope of a cure is lost is still devastating. But there is so much good advice on this thread and in this group which I dip into when I am really down. It really helps to hear from people who are going through the same and I agree with Frank’s comments that this far more valuable than written guidance. So I don’t have great answers for you yet, but simply to say you are not alone with your fears and that you have come to the right place to find support. I guess it takes time to find some acceptance.

best wishes

Nigel

FormerMember over 3 years ago in reply to EG1

There is terminal and incurable. There is a massive gap between them. If you are having treatment you are incurable and can be for a very long time. Once you get that idea firmly in your brain start to live your life again.

If we were all terminal you would be talking to yourself. We have people on here knocking on the ten year door, I will be five in June. We have all been told "that's your lot" but it's not, there are plenty of clever people working on improving our prognosis and giving us our future back.

Of course you are living in a nightmare but you will wake up from it.

Best wishes.

EG1 over 3 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Thanks Norberry. I am trying to get my head round that and as you say, there are lots of inspiring stories on here.
best wishes

Nigel