Another Newbie

Thanks Sara! Here's to plenty if time for all of us x

I hope so, my reply looked wrong- that was what I meant. I guess s part of my current situation is that the efficacy of my current treatment is 20 percent, which I am hoping to be in. Not sure what next step would be. 

My treatment was to give me more time, the prognosis is not good, but I am currently doing well with little sign of disease on my last scan. My oncologist isn't hopeful that it will stay this way for long, but I'm doing my best to live my life, I haven't yet asked about next steps, im going to wait until they are needed. 

Hello Sara, The whole business of individual spirituality is I think very hard to define and is of course quite a different thing to what is offered by any organised religious group. In our position many would be attracted to, and hope to be comforted, by attaching themselves to such a group. This I quite understand, but I personally find the idea of so doing somewhat ridiculous.

I am though interested in my own spiritual life and see this simply as a way to throw light into dark places [ or in my case, colour, as I'm an artist]. There are many different ways to do this and feel positive in so doing. Maybe it's this that brings us peace and contentment - being kind in everything we do as best we can, and not being like those who we despise - not being like 'them'.  I hope you reach a good point soon that helps your everyday struggle.  Big hugs.  Rainie x

Welcome to our gang of great people that will support you 

Hi Sara, it's not an easy situation to be in when you are told that you are facing your impending doom. I first went through it over 5 years ago when first diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. I was given a 20-25 % chance of surviving up to 5 years, I was 57 at the time. I went through all the emotions and waited until my wife and son were at work so I could cry my eyes out. The whole situation for me was like I was watching a movie then I realized it was about me. I've always had a dark sense of humour and it helped me come to terms with the situation. I realized that none of us are born with an expiry date tattooed on our bum, the situation brought it home that we are all going to die, it's a part of life. From a young age I've always had a curiosity about what happens when we die, there's many theories but that's all they are in my opinion. However, you can't destroy matter or energy you can only change it. A match when struck and fully burned ceases to exist as a match, but it is transformed into carbon. I've thought as my body as the vehicle that has allowed me to exist in a physical world. There's many names like mind, soul etc to describe the consciousness and subconscious. I chose after the surgery I had not to look at the time I would have as a suspended death sentence, just to enjoy each day for what it was. I've read that making plans gives God a good laugh. I think no one knows for sure if there's an after life, I like to believe that there is. Now being put on palliative care just before Christmas it's made me have to face the situation again. I am at peace with myself and my wife and son have discussed this with me. I'm not intending on leaving anytime soon, I see every day when I feel good as a blessing. My oldest friend of 50 years was taking me to my oncologist appointment on 22nd December. He said maybe if you gain weight the oncologist will tell you that if you can put on weight and strength you can have chemotherapy and be here for a while yet. I said yes, but she might tell me not to buy Easter eggs. LOL He shook his head and a few minutes later had a laugh. I do hope you can find some peace tranquility over the time we all have left. Sending love and peace, kind regards Frank.

Thank you

What a brave reply, thank you. Your metaphor re suspended death sentence is how I feel and want to stop feeling. I am working on strategies to change my thinking, which has not always been like this. I was really positive and hopeful and hope to be again. I am very glad you have found peace in your situation, it can't be easy but I am sure helps every day be as good as it can be . Thank you again 

Hi Sassy, thanks for your kind words. I know that it takes time to bounce all the crazy stuff around your head, all the scenarios and what iffs. You have been open and expressed what many of us feel. I'm sure you will suddenly, maybe gradually start being positive again. I don't know if you know the song Happiness by Ken Dodd, I was never a fan of either. However out of the blue one day I started singing it and went into fits of laughter. The tears were running down my cheeks. I remember thinking where the hell did that come from? You will find out that you are stronger than you think. Good luck and kind regards Frank.

I like all the things you said Frank. Thanks for all of it.  Rainie x