An Eternal Lurker Returns

Hi BengaliMum32, and a very warm welcome to the forum, and though I'm saddened you have found yourself here, I hope you will find some of the answers you're looking for from the wonderful people on here.

As you will know we all have our own cancers here, all stage 4 and life limiting, I too have metastatic cancer,  time left, 3 to 18 months maybe.

Like you my friend, I'm a parent, 4 kids all grown up, but still my kids, and they matter more to me than my cancer, so on getting my diagnosis, my kids were my first though, followed by my partner and other family, then me 

At first I thought the worst, and asked why me again, I have other health issues, which could/should have ended my life many times, but soon put my thoughts in order, to fight back against this awful disease, and make the most of every day.

It's an awful thing to be told you have terminal cancer, and sends us all on a roller coaster of emotions as we try to come to terms with it, which we do, I believe we are all stronger than we think, though learning to live with our cancers is not easy, and definitely not without bumps in the road, and the dark clouds are never far away and the negative thoughts and emotions are frequent visitors, I never hide my emotions, unless absolutely necessary, if I need to cry I will, wherever I am, if I wat to scream or shout, I find somewhere away from other people, and I ask for professional support when I need it.

I'm sure you will get some wonderful advice from many of the guys on here in time, a few with inspirational stories to share, but  mostly support from people who understand what it means to live with our prognosis.

My kids mum has ovarian cancer and was T4, and given one year, she's been through RT, surgery and chemotherapy, and we find out soon if it's successful.

Eddie xx 

Hi BengaliMum32, Welcome to this terrific group of lovely supportive people as you must have noticed when you have been lurking! I think most of us read posts etc but stayed in the background before taking the plunge! Good for you, you are very young to have to deal with this! My Oncologist found me a Trial of a New drug I could try. I have Malignant Metastatic Melanoma and went straight to Stage 4. As neither chemo nor radiotherapy work with my cancer, I had no treatment options available. So the Trial was the only option. I stopped the Trial in Oct 16 because of side effects but I had been given 5-7 months and there I was still living and breathing in 2016 and still here in June 2025! No one knows why but that doesn’t really matter!

Where there’s life there’s Hope! I’m sure you will get to know us in no time at all! There will be a New Daily Chit Chat for June starting today, there’s a gardening Post and a Hobby & Craft Post and also a Book Lovers Post so why not just jump into one or all!

Hi BengaliMum32  welcome to the group, here you will find the only people who truly understand what you are going through. I am so sorry to hear of your current situation, and I will pray that they find you a good trial soon. 34 is far too young to be dealing with this, but as we know cancer doesn’t care about age, race or gender, it is a cruel, cruel disease. 

I hope you find the group useful, you can join in with all the daily chats as Annette has suggested, but it is also a great safe space to come to off load or have a good old rant! I always feel better after a rant, and you know that everyone here will understand . X 

Good morning Bengalimum32.  I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.  I am fairly new on here as was diagnosed in September last year.  This forum has helped me tremendously and even just writing a little post on here makes me feel better.  I know that I am not alone.  Welcome and hope you find support and some comfort like I have.

Lee 2 x

Hi BengaliMum32 

Well done for posting - I have to confess your words brought tears to my eyes , I  also have advanced ovarian cancer but am much older than you at 61 . Still,  my adult children are  my babies and always will be 

I hope you have love and support around you and also access to professional emotional support- I’m very lucky to live  near to a Maggie’s Centre and go every week  - the support there helps me enormously and I’m learning to focus on today rather than what might lie ahead . Maybe there is one near you or your team could suggest  other options ? 

This site really helps me too , you are never alone on here and sometimes just a rant can help even just a little bit 

Hope you are doing something nice today with your little ones 

Lucy xx 

A very warm Welcome to our little chat community BengaliMum32. I have been reading your post and like some others had a tear in my eye. It is such a major earthquake in your life when you get diagnosed with an incurable illness, especially when you are so young. I am turning 67 in a couple of months (recycled teenager as I like to think of myself) with Breast Cancer mets in my lungs.

I have had a renal Transplant more than 25 years ago, due to a virus which decided it was a good idea to attack my Kidneys. Like yourself I have 3 children and it was the shock of my life. So far my donated Kidney is doing ever so well, but it makes treatment options a bit more difficult. I was given about 6 to 12 months and like a lot of us here proved the time limit wrong. 

 The people on this forum are extraordinary individuals who have given me such a lot of hope, support and friendship.  This forum has become an important part of my life and gives me great comfort in sad times, laughter and banter times and there is always somebody here with an ear to listen to or a virtual shoulder to lean on if needed. 

Nobody knows what is the round the next bend on our travels, but we have the love and support here ( on this chat or general on the MacMillan site) to help us make it a more positive and welcoming journey. Virtual hug to you from 

Angie and Lilly 

Lilly is my beloved cohabitating cat

Hey,  it's good and important that you did return. None of us here are oncologists and that's the last thing we would want to be, but we understand feelings. I experienced numbness, a detachment from the world around me at the beginning. It's normal but difficult to orientate and move forward when you are feeling like that. Your post has hopefully shifted that a bit in the right direction for you. I was considering counselling at some point, but the people here are enough for me. I know you have to think about your children and you, not easy but come on here whenever you want and you will find help and support.

I hope for the best outcome for you and your family x

Yes I am hopeful that i can get on a trial and that it will help extend the time i have but i am not worrying. What has been planned for me will already happen. I can be sad for my kids, family and friends but i wont cry over it.

Hello lovely, yes i have an amazing maggies centre near me. I used to go to the gynae group regularly. I will pop back in. I dont know what it is about the place but i will probably burst into tears as soon as i sit down, but heh thats what they are there for x