Being ignored

Hi

Sorry you are having trouble communicating with you wife.

This happens often so your not alone, they do say it is harder, for the person looking on, rather than the person with the cancer.

I never had this trouble as such, you could  phone the Macmillan number, and ask them they can advise you.#

Your wife most  probable has questions she wants answer's to, and the same for you, and things become a little heated.

You are the one with cancer though it does effect your wife as well, though  in a 

different way.

Hope others pop in, and can advise you, to make life a little bit easier for you both.

Hi Paul, As you have not filled out a Profile Page yet, I don’t know when you had your diagnosis. If it is recent then maybe give your wife a little time to let it sink in. If it isn’t recent, then as Ellie said, you could call the McMillan.Line for advice. If you have a good GP why not make an appointment and ask for Counselling for yourself initially and maybe invite your wife after a few visits.

This is not easy but you are both in need of help. Do you have. Maggie Centre or similar near you? If so, you could both pop in for a chat and cup of tea! Tell her you need her so you can get through this! Please let us know what you decide to do!

Thank you for your advice

Thank you for your reply

Hi Paul and welcome to the forum, I too have prostate cancer, "treatable ", good advice from the girls, as someone who has been on both sides  of terminal cancer, being carer and now cared for, I would say being the carer is the hardest, and I would think your wife is having a tougher time than you, it's so difficult losing a loved one, and to try to not let cancer rule your life in our situation m, it's understandable your wife doesn't want to talk about cancer, you will find many on here only talk about cancer when it's necessary, living the best life you can under these difficult circumstances isn't easy, and bringing up  cancer in conversations too often doesn't help you move on, your wife will probably know all you know about your prognosis, my partner probably knows more about mine than I do, and if it's necessary we will talk about my cancer, but we both prefer to get on with life and not let cancer rule your life. as  the girls have said, the Macmillan helpline 0808 808 00 00, and www.maggies.org can offer support to you both. Paul I was referred to my hospice,through my GP, well over a year ago, and they offer support as well, best wishes, Eddie 

Hi Paul,

This is what I do when I need to have an important talk about things with my partner, or anyone really. This approach won't work for everyone, it depends what yours and your wife's conversation style is, but maybe it'll help.

First I think about what I want to say, and I'll write it down in a list of points. I'll then ask him if we can have an important chat now or if we should schedule it for another time. Like the others have said, it might be worth arranging for it to be at a Maggie's Center with one of their specialists to mediate the conversation. I keep the list of points with me to look at when I have the conversation.

You mentioned she keeps turning the conversation to herself so make it clear to her that right now, you need her to listen and understand your side, and that she can say her thoughts at the end or in a second conversation. Then any time she wavers from that, gently remind her you'd like her to just listen at the moment please. 

The best bit of advice I've been given is that it's you and your partner vs the problem, not you vs your partner.

Best wishes,

Jen

Thanks for the advice, sometimes I can get to preoccupied with it 

Jen thanks for the advice your suggestion makes complete sense. I will give you a try